A Bailey Legacy

Tis rather delicious

Archive for the tag “Repo man”

Chapter 9.5

Chapter 9.5 Don’t fear the Repo Man

‘So, who thought this legacy had been abandoned like a puppy on boxing day?’ One of the graduation gnomes asked at the latest gnome committee meeting.gnomemeeting
Me
But now things were back on track. Chilli has grown up to be a good looking teenager with a slightly lopsided face. Probably the side-effects of the poison Tia had been feeding him over the years.
Lopsided
Fortunately, surgery rectified that issue.fixed
Chilli often spent time in the hobby room with a chainsaw. Chillichainsaw
For ‘sculpting’ obviously. Nothing to do with the students that seemed to keep disappearing from his school.Totallynotmurderingthem
Somehow he had ended up with a girlfriend as well. Cari Ferris. Her face was a bit pudgy, but overall she was ok looking. closeup
Basil thought he could do a lot better though.
‘Not gonna lie, son, but she is a bit of a butterface.’
daddydontlike
Fortunately, Chilli had no romantic interest in her whatsoever. Or any other girls in general. Cari just had a high tolerance to rohypnol. When she had awoken in his arms whilst he was carrying her upstairs to the hobby room, she had naturally assumed he was taking her up to his room for sexy fun time.
Ever since that day, she had become completely smitten with him.
touchchilli‘Promise you’ll never leave me,’ she would say as she clung onto him for dear life.
hugchillitight
‘I’ll be with you until your dying breath,’ Chilli replied, chillingly.hegonnamurderyou
As for Basil and Tia, they were doing alright. They were still married and committed to one another.
‘We can look just as cute as our son and his girlfriend!’ Tia exclaimed as she attempted to replicate the above screenshot with her hubby.copycats
They were still annoyed at Maple for dying during their wedding, so were constantly thrusting their wedding photos at anyone who dared visit their household, such as the picture below.
weddingcakeisimportant
One evening, Basil was chilling on the bed, waiting for Tia to join him for a bit adult action, when a sinister looking stranger strolled into the room.basilandrepo
‘Honey, when you said you wanted to spice up our marriage, this isn’t what I was expecting!’ Basil called to Tia, who was taking a poo in their en-suite.Poo
It turned out the guy was just the Repo Man and he proceeded to quite rightly take some of their belongings, since they had neglected to pay their bills, despite they could easily afford them. Naturally, he decided to be a dick and announced he would be taking their toilet.
Toiletismine
‘If you must,’ Tia sighed, hopping off the porcelin throne.
tiastopspooping
‘Ugh, on retrospect, you can keep it…’
Ohboy
Bongo then made an entrance, curious as to what all the ruckus was about.
maddoggy
‘Imma steal your dog,’ the repoman, called, say, Ian, decided.
badidea
verybadidea
After Bongo had horrifically heroically torn out Ian’s throat, Chilli eagerly assisted with destroying the rest of the evidence.cleanup
A few weeks later, once they had evaded various police investigations, the Baileys threw a party. The reason for this party is long forgotten since it has been two or more years since these screenshots were taken. Maybe it was someone’s birthday, or maybe Ricky had finally come out of the closet. Who knows.
RickeeehTia was asked not to prepare the food, following their last party where she had served up “invisible cheese platters”.  Orion and Kraig had not approved of this.
alienfam
Fortunately, Fudge turned up and rectified the food situation that day. He had finally graduated to being super-awesome so it seemed.
superawesome
Ricky also helped out.
‘I’m helping!’
rickyfeltleftout1Anyways, it turned out that this party was to actually celebrate Christmas. Cari, being a bit of a gold-digger, was excited to see what Chilli had bought her.
Excitedgirl
Opening the present
In hindsight, perhaps buying her a knife shaped vibrator was not the best of moves. wtfisthis
Still, Chilli was displeased when she dragged him off into the kitchen for a stern word. He pondered taking her upstairs to the hobby room, but decided against it when he realised she would probably just assume he wanted to have sex with her.nosexplease
Fortunately, Chilli’s best friend, Sonny Reeder, was at the party, so things were not too miserable. Sonny was his best friend at school, a dishy young chap with a lovely bone structure. His pale complexion and bright yellow eyes were what jumped out the most, as well as the strange tattoo on his neck. Some people thought he was a vampire, but that was a silly accusation since vampires did not exist.watchthisspace
I mean, in a world of aliens, ghosts and Maple, it seemed like a really stupid concept.toomuchgoingon
Orion accused Sonny of being a tri-hard, a comment which did not go down too well giving the Baileys liking for Stephanie Myers. twilight fans
As Basil stood by the window to try and calm down, he looked over at Chilli, then at Sonny, before turning his attention back to Chilli.sulking
Suddenly, everything clicked into place. Waitasec
This young chap was the true object of Chilli’s affections. Cari was just a cleverly disguised beard.prettyvamp
Secretly, Basil had always wanted a gay son, especially one with a vampire fetish, so he decided to fully support what was to come.
gaysonisok
Basil drank heavily that night. He was too drunk to make it upstairs to bed, so he ended up camping in a sleeping bag on the kitchen floor, because, screw using the sofas in the living room. kitchenkip
He awoke with a start at around 7am.
ohdear
‘Bongo, go get Tia!’ Basil screamed when he realised he was somehow infused with the fibres of the sleeping bag.
thatmusthurt
All in all, it was a pretty standard Bailey party.

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Chapter 6.6

Chapter 6.6 – Baby chocolate

Surprisingly, Cointreau was rather upset over Pooka’s death.  To her it was like losing an arch-nemesis, a very furry one.Screenshot-6403Two days later, she adopted an adorable Yorkshire terrier whom she named Yorkie.  She quickly forgot all about whatever the old family dog was called and planned to train Yorkie to become her evil sidekick.Screenshot-6406Time passed by.  Cointreau went into labour, as do most women who are pregnant.Screenshot-6416Despite working in the medical field, Jeffery found it hard to keep his composure.  Midwifery was not his thing.Screenshot-6421‘Oh God, I think I felt the baby move down.’Screenshot-6419Screenshot-6420Somehow, Jeffery drove Cointreau to hospital just in time for her to pop out their firstborn. They named him Aero since Cointreau was fond of the chocolate brand with the same name.Screenshot-6423Cointreau adored spending time with Aero and looking after him to the best of her ability.Screenshot-6432And by look after him, she basically just left Tremayne to raise him over the next several years whilst she focused on her career and having more children, but we will come to this later.Screenshot-6440Cointreau only really took back ownership when it came around to Aero’s birthdays, primarily so she had an excuse to eat cake.Screenshot-6459He grew into a cute little toddler, as do most Baileys.Screenshot-6484And enjoyed putting phallic shaped objects into his mouth a little too much.Screenshot-6477A few months down the line, Cointreau and Jeffery celebrated their transition into pure, but not so simple, adulthood.Screenshot-6493After eating both cakes, Jeffery decided to completely murder the song “No Limit”.Screenshot-6538He was such an embarrassment that even Aero found it awkward hanging out with him afterwards.Screenshot-6476Despite this, Cointreau was still seduced by his sexy eyebrows and stubble that very night.Screenshot-6490Screenshot-6488Sadly, Jeffery’s charm only worked to a certain extent and it was not enough to keep the repo man at bay.  It was not as if they could not afford the bills, they were bordering on becoming millionaires after all, They had just forgotten to pay for the last installment of their recently installed hot-tub.Screenshot-6513The repo man ended up taking one of their many computers.Screenshot-6514And more devastatingly, a plate of autumn salad.Screenshot-6520The expression on his face suggested that he got off on his job far more than he should.    Screenshot-6522When Cointreau found the little surprise he left splattered across the dining room table, naturally this made her feel nauseous.Screenshot-6525She was unable to make it to the toilet in time however, so left her own nasty surprise all over the floor, which Jeffery later found, causing him to vomit instantly.Screenshot-6526Soon enough, it was revealed that Cointreau was pregnant, again.Screenshot-6535During this pregnancy,  she started to tutor her nephew, Brock, as he was rather rubbish at school but still wanted to go off to University.Screenshot-6550The fact that he could not even do simple multiplication worried her somewhat, but thankfully he was not her child to fret over.Screenshot-6543Soon enough, Cointreau got bored and contemplated what she would ask Jeffery to cook for dinner on his return from work. Screenshot-6545They had waffles for dinner that night, in case you’re wondering.Screenshot-6583A few months later, Cointreau gave birth to a baby girl, whom was named Bounty, also after a chocolate bar.  The labour went pretty smoothly, but it took Cointreau several days before she allowed Jeffery back in the house.Screenshot-6591This was because he had been out drinking after his shift and had passed out in front of the hospital on his way to meet Cointreau, and thus publicly disgraced himself as well as the Bailey household.Screenshot-6589We end this chapter on a bunny gnome sitting on a llama, because quite frankly this has to be one of the most awesome things programmed into a game ever.Screenshot-6512

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