Chapter 9.5

Chapter 9.5 Don’t fear the Repo Man

‘So, who thought this legacy had been abandoned like a puppy on boxing day?’ One of the graduation gnomes asked at the latest gnome committee meeting.

But now things were back on track. Chilli has grown up to be a good looking teenager with a slightly lopsided face. Probably the side-effects of the poison Tia had been feeding him over the years.

Fortunately, surgery rectified that issue.
Chilli often spent time in the hobby room with a chainsaw.
For ‘sculpting’ obviously. Nothing to do with the students that seemed to keep disappearing from his school.
Somehow he had ended up with a girlfriend as well. Cari Ferris. Her face was a bit pudgy, but overall she was ok looking.
Basil thought he could do a lot better though.
‘Not gonna lie, son, but she is a bit of a butterface.’

Fortunately, Chilli had no romantic interest in her whatsoever. Or any other girls in general. Cari just had a high tolerance to rohypnol. When she had awoken in his arms whilst he was carrying her upstairs to the hobby room, she had naturally assumed he was taking her up to his room for sexy fun time.
Ever since that day, she had become completely smitten with him.
‘Promise you’ll never leave me,’ she would say as she clung onto him for dear life.

‘I’ll be with you until your dying breath,’ Chilli replied, chillingly.
As for Basil and Tia, they were doing alright. They were still married and committed to one another.
‘We can look just as cute as our son and his girlfriend!’ Tia exclaimed as she attempted to replicate the above screenshot with her hubby.
They were still annoyed at Maple for dying during their wedding, so were constantly thrusting their wedding photos at anyone who dared visit their household, such as the picture below.

One evening, Basil was chilling on the bed, waiting for Tia to join him for a bit adult action, when a sinister looking stranger strolled into the room.
‘Honey, when you said you wanted to spice up our marriage, this isn’t what I was expecting!’ Basil called to Tia, who was taking a poo in their en-suite.
It turned out the guy was just the Repo Man and he proceeded to quite rightly take some of their belongings, since they had neglected to pay their bills, despite they could easily afford them. Naturally, he decided to be a dick and announced he would be taking their toilet.

‘If you must,’ Tia sighed, hopping off the porcelin throne.

‘Ugh, on retrospect, you can keep it…’

Bongo then made an entrance, curious as to what all the ruckus was about.

‘Imma steal your dog,’ the repoman, called, say, Ian, decided.


After Bongo had horrifically heroically torn out Ian’s throat, Chilli eagerly assisted with destroying the rest of the evidence.
A few weeks later, once they had evaded various police investigations, the Baileys threw a party. The reason for this party is long forgotten since it has been two or more years since these screenshots were taken. Maybe it was someone’s birthday, or maybe Ricky had finally come out of the closet. Who knows.
Tia was asked not to prepare the food, following their last party where she had served up “invisible cheese platters”.  Orion and Kraig had not approved of this.

Fortunately, Fudge turned up and rectified the food situation that day. He had finally graduated to being super-awesome so it seemed.

Ricky also helped out.
‘I’m helping!’
Anyways, it turned out that this party was to actually celebrate Christmas. Cari, being a bit of a gold-digger, was excited to see what Chilli had bought her.


In hindsight, perhaps buying her a knife shaped vibrator was not the best of moves.
Still, Chilli was displeased when she dragged him off into the kitchen for a stern word. He pondered taking her upstairs to the hobby room, but decided against it when he realised she would probably just assume he wanted to have sex with her.
Fortunately, Chilli’s best friend, Sonny Reeder, was at the party, so things were not too miserable. Sonny was his best friend at school, a dishy young chap with a lovely bone structure. His pale complexion and bright yellow eyes were what jumped out the most, as well as the strange tattoo on his neck. Some people thought he was a vampire, but that was a silly accusation since vampires did not exist.
I mean, in a world of aliens, ghosts and Maple, it seemed like a really stupid concept.
Orion accused Sonny of being a tri-hard, a comment which did not go down too well giving the Baileys liking for Stephanie Myers.
As Basil stood by the window to try and calm down, he looked over at Chilli, then at Sonny, before turning his attention back to Chilli.
Suddenly, everything clicked into place.
This young chap was the true object of Chilli’s affections. Cari was just a cleverly disguised beard.
Secretly, Basil had always wanted a gay son, especially one with a vampire fetish, so he decided to fully support what was to come.

Basil drank heavily that night. He was too drunk to make it upstairs to bed, so he ended up camping in a sleeping bag on the kitchen floor, because, screw using the sofas in the living room.
He awoke with a start at around 7am.

‘Bongo, go get Tia!’ Basil screamed when he realised he was somehow infused with the fibres of the sleeping bag.

All in all, it was a pretty standard Bailey party.

Chapter 5.12

Chapter 5.12 – Totally an accident

After a few more years of “hard work”, Jameson reached the top of his acrobatic career.  To celebrate he set himself on fire.And he hugged a giant ball.  Neither of these actions were part of his act, so he was swiftly escorted from the premises.Meanwhile, Cointreau and Frangelico celebrated the end of their childhood, with lots of a cake as was standard in the Bailey household.The family kept the celebrations simple by not inviting anyone else.  It was also a cunning ploy so they would have more cake to eat between them. Both girls wished to develop useful traits.Sadly, this did not happen.  Still, they grew up to be rather aesthetically pleasing, which is all that matters.Being musically inclined since the moment she had pretty much been born, Frangelico quickly took to playing her Grandfather’s (Judd’s) guitar and was actually quite good at it.Cointreau, who was yet another brain-box in the family, continued to focus on building up her logic skill.Of course, she was still very evil. She very much enjoyed trolling her family members, quite often by “accidentally” walking between them when they were having serious conversations in the bathroom.The only family member she was relatively kind to and supportive of was Frangelico, since they had shared the same womb and all.As for Earl, the middle child, he continued to study hard so he could look to go off to University when he was old enough.He also continued to work on raising his drum skills because he quickly learnt that chicks liked guys who could play instruments.Earl continued to be a bit of a dick to his older sister, Saffron.  On one particular occasion she had announced, to whoever was in earshot, how excited she was to dig into the last piece of cake in fridge, only to turn back around to find that Earl had claimed it as his.Saffron was not best pleased.Whilst Jameson and Earl dug into their slices of scrummy moist cake, Saffron was lumbered with leftover smoke salmon steak, which had started to go a little off.  Needless to say, she spent most that night glued to the toilet seat.   Saffron’s twin, Peach, had no real interest in cake but was still enthusiastic about horse riding despite constantly feeling terrified that Milo would buck her off at any moment.  It was a game he very much enjoyed playing with her.After a while, Milo grew to tolerate Peach and stopped arsing around with her as much.   Mika, who was starting to feel her age, and was partly jealous of her children’s youth and energy, started to exercise pretty much everyday as a bid to stay in shape.Jameson effortlessly managed to keep his physique in top condition with his career as an acrobat.  His confidence now at an all-time high, he decided during one fateful gig that it was time to pull off one of the most dangerous and deadly stunts of all, only known as “The Burning Inferno of Dangerous Stuff”.As he slowly made his way towards the hoop on the other side of the stage, his face was plagued with a deadly serious expression. His heart was racing as he positioned himself onto the flaming object.  However, moments later, his nerves dissipated as he started to roll around the stage, moving with the greatest of ease and with the grace of a ballet dancer.  All continued to go well, until he remembered that he had forgotten to record the latest episode of Dexter and lost control of the ring, consequently flying straight off the stage into the audience, flames spitting everywhere.  He managed to escape with a few minor burns, but unfortunately the audience weren’t so lucky, especially after the building collapsed on them.Jameson decided after that incident that it was safer to revert back to painting pretty landscapes and selling them on for extortionate amounts.  At least that way he could not be labelled as a mass-murderer.  

  

Chapter 4.11

Chapter 4.11 – Cats and Alcoholism

To celebrate the triplets transition into teen-hood, Judd and Murphy organised a beach party.  The turnout was not too bad considering Judd had managed to murder half of the island through his negligence during emergency call outs. Coco, as always, took an interest in her children and certainly did not spend the entire day reading the same book … A few more years slipped by and soon the triplets were budding into mini-adults.  Malibu even developed an orientation trait of the family variety. Amaretto inherited her father’s “brave” behaviour she was even capable of using the bathroom after Murphy had been in there to expel food from his system.  And Jameson, after years of torment from Coco, gained an immunity to any form of humor, and now took every little bloody thing seriously.Anyways, because Coco and Judd thought Malibu was now old and responsible enough, they allowed her to adopt a cat from the local animal shelter.  She picked an adult La Perm whom  she named Mew, short for Mewton Mewingtonworth.She was an adorable, playful animal, and Mew enjoyed spending time with her. As for Amaretto, she was still enthusiastic about inventing things.She had always become a bit of DIY expect around the house, fixing all the stuff that Tremayne had not bothered to repair since the start of the third generation.Sadly, Jameson had developed a bit of alcohol addiction.  He was often found passed out on the floor before 9pm.Judd, being all super fit, did not approve of this. It often made him reflect on some of the emergencies he had to handle at work. ‘Silly woman.  Had to go and get yourself trapped under some rubble, didn’t you?’One afternoon, when Jameson returned home from another heavy drinking session, throwing up all over the place, Judd stormed out from the house and marched right up to him.‘I will not have an alcoholic son!’ Judd shouted, finally at breaking point from Jameson’s drunken behavior, and the awesome tan he had seemed to have obtained from the recent sunny weather.  ‘It’s so embarrassing, people are laughing at me at the fire-station and everything.’‘The hell?  You and mum have never understood me!’ Jameson protested back, his voice a little slurred, before turning away sharply.  ‘Maybe it’ll be better if I just left!’‘Yeah, that taught him,’ Judd muttered as he watched Jameson stumble off, luckily not into the path of any oncoming traffic, only towards their nearby drinking hole.‘Man, I’m a great parent,’ Judd thought.However, Captain Admiral, who was obviously telepathic, did not agree at all.

Chapter 4.8

Chapter 4.8 – ‘Class A’ Child Abuse

Coco and Judd continued to work out to aid with their lifetime wishes, and to keep their looks and bodies in mint condition since neither of them really had likable personalities (given one was robophobic, and the other was a complete and utter troll).  The children were starting to grow more into their own personalities and faces.  Malibu would literally approach and play with every cat she came across, which meant she often returned home covered in fleas and smelling of catnip.She also enjoyed painting, although she mostly only painted cats.Amaretto was not really into cats like Malibu was, but she still owned a pair of cat pajamas, because she believed she was the cat’s pajamas, plus Malibu had got them for her as a Christmas present so it was rude not to wear them really.  They were best friends after all…

‘If you don’t wear them, I’ll cut you!’Amaretto was also fairly creative.  She thoroughly enjoyed building things with oversized Lego bricks and was actually considering becoming an inventor when she was older.The boys, Murphy and Jameson, had a less catty relationship than the girls.  Although Murphy was nearing his teenage years, he still enjoyed spending time with his younger brother, attempting to guide him along the right path in life.

‘So, when you drown someone, you want to push down hard, like this.’He then proceeded to show Jameson how to dispose of a body, using a single pillow case.‘Just make sure you dump it before rigor mortis kicks in,’ Murphy advised.Although Coco loved all her children, like most mothers she had her favourites.  Unfortunately, Jameson was not one of these.

‘Amagawwwd, that Jameson is such a loser!’ Coco announced over breakfast one morning. ‘And he sometimes smells a bit funky.’‘Oh, hey, Jameson.’ ‘So, yeah, he’s a bit of a strange kid really, unlike you, Murphy.’

‘I’m still here, Mum,’ Jameson said, although his voice went unheard since Coco was still continuing to slate him, Judd also joining in as he grabbed his breakfast cake from the fridge.If there was any child who would be likely to grow up into a serial killer, Jameson was probably your number one candidate with this sort of parenting and upbringing in general.  Meanwhile, upstairs, Tremayne was dancing, because he was practicing to enter “Strictly Come Dancing”.  Sadly, he would later find out that robots were not allowed to participate on the show.  Plus he did not have a  dancing partner, so that did not really do him a lot of favours either.  Better luck next time, old chap.