A Bailey Legacy

Tis rather delicious

Archive for the tag “Pedobear”

Chapter 8.5

Chapter 8.5 Dying for a sleepover

Despite being an alien, Orion managed to become the cutest child in the house.Screenshot-11014Twix debated whether or not to sell him out to the science facility for money. However, since his family were already millionaires, he decided against this.Screenshot-11016And thus, he decided to treat Orion like a Grandson and helped him prepare for University. Screenshot-11197Rolo, his true Grandson, did not have much of an interest in science or smart things, so there was no hope there.Screenshot-11091And his latest one, Basil, was still a lame baby.Screenshot-11168Whitney still had faith in Rolo, however.  She decided to influence him to be charismatic so he could talk his way through life.    Screenshot-11239Several uneventful months later, Basil started to develop some facial features. Fortunately for the family, he didn’t look a thing like Devon Hoff, and even possessed yellow eyes, so everyone just assumed he was Cory’s son.Screenshot-11216Whitney did not really care who the father was in truth; she was just glad he was not an alien.Screenshot-11219Rolo, who had gained the party animal trait at some stage in his short life, decided to throw a slumber party for his tenth birthday.Screenshot-11255This was mainly because he wanted an excuse to spend time with Niki Natalis, a cute girl who enjoyed karaoke almost as much as he did.Screenshot-11269That evening, they did a rather awesome rendition of “You’re the one that I want” from Grease, minus the leather clothing as that would have been slightly inappropriate.Screenshot-11264-look outWhilst his brother sung various other songs from musicals and the other children poked the bee hive in the back garden with sticks, Orion was content playing video games with Christie Rooney, the only child in school that did not tease or bully him for being an alien.Screenshot-11258‘We’ll be best friends forever, right?’ Orion asked.Screenshot-11262‘Yeah, whatever; now shut up, I’m one kill streak away from getting the attack dogs.’Screenshot-11261For some un-earthly reason, the children thought it would be a grand idea to sleep outdoors, despite it was the end of spring, and the weather was irrational.Screenshot-11277On this matter, Mika made her views very clear.Screenshot-11280‘You children suck!’Screenshot-11279In hindsight, it was probably a better idea than sleeping in the kitchen, like back in Chapter 7.7.  This meant that Twix could actually freely conjure up some grub, without getting trapped anywhere.Screenshot-10954‘Wait, what’s happening?’ Twix asked as the bread board started to glow.  It took him a few more seconds to realise that the glow was in fact coming from him and his fancy pajamas.Screenshot-10957‘So, this is what it’s like to die?  Nice.’ Screenshot-10961A few minutes later, the rest of the family, minus the children who were still asleep, all congregated in the kitchen as the old Grim Reaper appeared to claim Twix’s soul. Screenshot-10967‘I’m gonna be so lonely!’ Whitney sobbed.Screenshot-10969‘Err, actually, you’re entitled to remarry and what not,’ Grimmy said.Screenshot-10968‘Oh really?  Sweet!’Screenshot-10971Twix decided to do something a little bit crazy, figuring he had nothing left to lose being dead. and all.  He had been carrying a particular flower around with him for a while after it had randomly appeared in his inventory.

‘Please accept this as a token of my appreciation for all your hard work!’Screenshot-10975The room fell silent as the Grim Reaper stared at the flower, then at Twix, then back at the flower.  Maple winced, anticipating her Father to be whisked away into his platinum tombstone.Screenshot-10972‘O-M-G, Twix, this is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever given me,’ Grimmy confessed, his eye sockets welling up underneath his hood.  Meanwhile, Whitney fantasied about being wrapped in the arms of a muscular toyboy.Screenshot-10976‘Here, have your skin and stuff back.’Screenshot-10978Twix gasped in amazement as he returned to his former fleshy self.Screenshot-10979Twix was puzzled as to why Grimmy spared his life that day, for the sake of a flower, but soon enough he decided to just enjoy the additional time he had been given instead of fretting over something so trivial.Screenshot-10982As for the Grim Reaper, he thoroughly enjoyed the rest of his day, and found the most lovely vase to put his flower in.

 

 

 

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Chapter 5.10

Chapter 5.10 – Where did it all go wrong?

Before long Jameson received another promotion, which of course meant another coloured outfit and more “wacky” face paint.  Screenshot-4154To celebrate, the Baileys decided to adopt another pet.  This time they went for a cat, since cats are rather awesome.  They named the little bugger Venus, after the razor brand because of her insanely sharp claws.Screenshot-4144At first Pooka was a bit skeptical of her, until she suggested that they went hunting for birds.Screenshot-4145After that, a simple high-five sealed their friendship for eternity, or at least until one of them died.Screenshot-4146Sadly, one young individual in the family was not keen on Pooka the dog.  That young individual was obviously Cointreau.  Screenshot-4076Everyone knows dogs can smell evil from a mile off, so she was more than aware that Pooka was onto her regarding her plans for world domination.  Screenshot-4077For the time being she knew he could not prove she was up to no good, nor was she making trouble in the neighbourhood, so all she had to do was keep a watchful eye on him and avoid slipping up with her own evil schemes.Screenshot-4080Of course, Cointreau could not help but slip a few white lies to Earl, such as how Pooka had managed to destroy all the spare light bulbs in the house.  Needless to say, he struggled to believe her, considering he soon discovered that her fingerprints were all over the shards of glass.Screenshot-4152That night, to make herself feel better, Cointreau requested that Peach read her a bedtime story, something to do with a pink cat who befriended a blue dog.  The blue dog ended up getting hit by a car, and Peach could not understand how a children’s book could be so morbid.  Turned out, however, that Cointreau had written and published it.Screenshot-4139A few weeks later, it was prom time, therefore Peach and Saffron got their glad-rags out.  Screenshot-4164Unfortunately neither of them had dates, nor did they pull anyone that night, but Saffron was still chuffed that she won the title of Prom Queen.Screenshot-4162That very same night, Earl celebrated his transition into teen-hood. Screenshot-4175A few kids from school were invited along, two of which were unfortunate sufferers of alopecia… Or at least that’s what Mika and Jameson hoped.   Screenshot-4179After Earl blew out his candles, he became a not too bad looking teenager.Screenshot-4192Having developed a keen interest for music during his childhood, Earl was pleasantly surprised that his parents had got him his own drum set.  He proceeded to play “We Will Rock You” – a legal requirement for anyone who plays the drums.Screenshot-4213A few weeks later, Saffron was chucking her guts up in the toilet.Screenshot-4207Of course, Earl happened to walk straight in on her since he had not heard of knocking.Screenshot-4208‘I knew it was only a matter of time before you got pregnant,’ Earl said.Screenshot-4209‘You realise the baby’s head is going to stretch you wide open like this,’ Earl teased, gesturing with his hands to demonstrate the destruction the baby would do to her “lady parts”.

‘Shut it, douche-bag, I’m not pregnant,’ Saffron replied, unimpressed by her brother’s childish assumptions. Screenshot-4210‘I caught Dad napping on the sofa completely naked earlier,’ Saffron explained, a small shudder shooting down her spine as she relived the moment, fortunately with a pixelated blur, which helped her cope with the stress and trauma somewhat.Screenshot-4131‘As you can imagine, it made me feel rather nauseous, especially when he admitted, after he got dressed, that he’d also napped that way on my bed countless times whilst I’d been at school.’ Screenshot-4206Satisfied that his older sister was not pregnant or had some form of eating disorder, Earl shooed her out of the room so he could flush the remains of the bag of cocaine in his pocket down the toilet, whilst Saffron went on her laptop to chat to men she didn’t know on the internets who were several years older than her.Saffron and PedobearThat night, Ricky sat alone on the sofa, wondering where his legacy, and his life, had all gone wrong.  He later concluded it was pretty much since the day he had agreed to marry Alice Bailey.  In hindsight, he would have much rather eloped with one of the youthful male customer’s at the bar he had worked in back at Bridgeport.Screenshot-4140

Chapter 4.1

Chapter 4.1 – Gotta love a man in uniform

Finally, Cookie realised he was over staying his welcome in the Bailey household and got married to Thelma so he could move out and proceed to have babies with her.Screenshot-912Hayley even mimicked what Thelma would be doing to Cookie later on, once alone in their honeymoon suite.Screenshot-914Coco joined in with this too because she quite frankly found it hilarious.Screenshot-917Caramel, on the other hand, was traumatized for life.  He still pictured Coco and Hayley as being innocent little angels, so was distraught to see that this was clearly not the case anymore.Screenshot-916‘Oh sweetie,’ proclaimed Thelma, ‘would you please let me cut the cake?’Screenshot-919‘I have an idea!’ Cookie announced, pointing a finger promptly into the air.Screenshot-923And then Cookie proceeded to cut the cake, whilst Thelma prepared to punch him in the face, with hope she would break his nose so he would not be able to taste the wedding cake at all.Screenshot-924A few months later, Coco was delighted when her boyfriend, Judd, announced that he had successfully completed his Firefighter training course and would be joining the local / only fire brigade on the island.Screenshot-943She was more interested in how smexy he looked in his uniform more than the fact he had secured his dream job.Screenshot-936They started spending a lot more nights in together, if you know what I mean…Screenshot-942Nothing else really happened over the next couple of years.  Oh, besides the fact that Hayley was abducted by aliens again.

‘Craaaaap!’Screenshot-938

Chapter 3.9

Chapter 3.9 – Snow more puns

For what felt like the first time ever, winter arrived in Sunlit Tides.  Screenshot-840Everyone was snowed in, since the island had never really anticipated snow, let alone snow this heavy.  Indoors, Cookie, who was quite honestly over staying his welcome, was keeping his girlfriend, Thelma, occupied by pretending to be a model.Screenshot-811Before long, he got bored and decided to keep her entertained in another way, with the sly use of mistletoe, obviously.Screenshot-812Screenshot-814‘You, clothes off and upstairs, now.’Screenshot-813Meanwhile, outside in the garden, some shiny multi-coloured lights appeared in the sky.Screenshot-817Hayley was convinced she was tripping, although she was certain she had not smoked or taken anything drug-wise.  Screenshot-818When a strange unidentified flying object suddenly appeared above her, she wished she had smoked or taken something.  Screenshot-819Hayley felt her heart pound as a strange beam shot out from the underside of the strange flying thing, which she could only really describe as a spaceship, although she had never really seen one of those in real life.Screenshot-822It enveloped her, much like a warm hug; only with an ice bear who has acid soaked hairs.Screenshot-821As the beam pulled her upwards, she tried to scream, but no sound escaped.  She thought it was the power of the beam preventing her from doing so, but it turned out that someone had only muted the volume.  Screenshot-823Seconds later, the spaceship vanished into thin air, and just like that, Hayley was gone.  Like, totally.Screenshot-826It took the Bailey family a few weeks to realise that Hayley was missing.  Coco was so devastated by her twin sister’s disappearance that she started a fire, as one would naturally do.Screenshot-815Unfortunately, Irish was not happy about losing yet another BBQ.  Coco, however, denied the whole thing and casually pretended that some sort of fire monster must have been responsible for such a heinous crime.Screenshot-816She even got Admiral the gnome, and a snowman, to vouch for her.  Screenshot-836Anyways, a few more weeks later, a spaceship pulled up outside the Bailey household, although none of the family members seemed to notice.Screenshot-828Out popped Hayley, who was feeling sore in a way she had only experienced once before.  Standing behind her was some strange creature, who looked reluctant to let her go.  Screenshot-830Hayley had been blindfolded throughout her ordeal, so she was both pleased and angered to finally get to see her kidnapper.  On closer inspection, Hayley was sure she recognised him from somewhere.He's back for Hayley‘I’ll never look at hot-dogs in the same way again!’Screenshot-833Once realising that Hayley had returned, the family threw a party to celebrate.  It was the twins’ birthday as well, so that was another excuse really.  Screenshot-841Hayley managed to bury her traumatic experience into a dark, dark corner of her mind and made the most out of the attention and cake available.Screenshot-847As for Coco, she declared that someone had better of gotten her a new pair of shoes, else there would be hell to pay.Screenshot-842A few months later, Hayley had a Britney Spears styled breakdown and shaved off all her hair.  When it grew back to a reasonable length, Hayley kept it that way because she thought it made her look more rock-chick-like.Screenshot-859Whereas, plain and simple Coco ended up donning a mumsy gym look, in preparation for kicking off the next generation.Screenshot-851

Chapter 3.7

Chapter 3.7 – Bonjour! And all that French stuff

One morning Irish woke up and decided she wanted to go to France, for no actual real reason, it just sounded like a good thing to do.Screenshot-728And so she whisked the entire family off to France, except for Tremayne because robots are not allowed to travel on planes, obviously.  Screenshot-731Within the month that they stayed in the lands of France, they managed to find a typically dressed French bloke, which the typical French name of Pierre.  Screenshot-732Cookie, who had developed an interest in art over the years, from watching his father paint, decided to visit a few art museums.  They were not very fun, but he did meet a French woman called Colette, which is another common French name (at least in French language textbooks at school).Screenshot-730Coco enjoyed munching on french crepes.  Screenshot-739And Hayley was almost kidnapped by a French creep.Screenshot-737Before they knew it their time was up and the Baileys were soon back in sunny Sunlit Tides eating french toast and, in Coco’s case, doing the homework she had neglected whilst living the French lifestyle.  Screenshot-717Coco was pleased to receive a visit from Judd, her close friend, and crush, from school.  Since she had soaked in the romantic atmosphere and lingo from France, she did her best to try to flirt with him.Screenshot-719However, Coco should have kind of realised that Judd could not speak French, at least not as fluently as her.Screenshot-721Not one to give up, Coco decided it was time for Plan B.Screenshot-720Sometimes actions just speak louder than words!Screenshot-722Meanwhile, Hayley sat in the kitchen, playing a Phantom of the Opera song on her keyboard, like a pro.  Watching as Coco lead Judd into the room, she felt a pang of jealous pinch her chest.Screenshot-718Later on, Hayley signed up to matchmaker.org and made it her mission to find a guy on there who was not a pedophile.  Watch out, Hayley!

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