A Bailey Legacy

Tis rather delicious

Archive for the tag “Party”

Chapter 9.6

Chapter 9.6 – The Bloody End

Tremayne decided to open up this chapter, since he had not been mentioned in the previous one.

tremaynefixingTo be fair, he was pretty much a household slave who had been forced to repair electronics over the past several generations. And also bathe their pets, since no one else bothered.

tremaynewashingBecause of this, Tremayne found himself shorting out regularly, just to avoid having any further involvement with this legacy.

shortingoutAs for Chilli, he was still as frustrated about his sexuality than ever.

gayloveHe buried himself into his hobbies to repress his feelings.


chillisculptingBasil and Tia tried to encourage their son to come out the closet on several occasions. They even attempted to lure the gay out of him by blasting out Madonna and Lady Gaga songs on the karaoke machine. Sadly, this did not work.

singasongBasil blamed Cari. She was as needy as ever, and growing more suspicious that Chilli was not all that into her. She even confided in Maple one New Year’s Eve, who quite frankly found the whole situation hilarious.

carimoaning‘At least I didn’t pin my hopes and dreams on a sausage jockey,’ Maple blissfully thought as she reflected on her bad life choices.

maplenotgivingafuckRealising Maple had stopped listening to her almost an hour ago, Cari decided to go and take matters into her own hands. Eventually, she found Chilli in the dining room chatting to Tia and two other Baileys.


partytalk‘Oh, fuck me sideways,’ Tia sighed when she saw Cari glaring at her. Chilli desperately tried to hide behind his mum as Cari came marching over to them.fuckyoucari‘Godammit, Cari! Take the hint!’ Basil said.
But Cari refused to listen and made Chilli dance with her and kiss her all night.   takethehintSoon, things got too much for Chilli. The poor guy just wanted to be with someone who understood him.raarHe always felt relaxed and at ease whenever he was with Sonny. After all, Sonny knew about his fetish for cutting bodies up.lovesonnyAlthough, after the time Sonny had encouraged him to murder and feast on a homeless sim the local park, Chilli started to suspect that Sonny may actually be a vampire. Or a cannibal.nomnomhumansDeciding to fuel his curiosity, he outright asked Sonny if he was a vampire.areyouavamp‘Haha, err, what made you think that?’ Sonny asked, his eyes glowing brighter than usual, and his fangs partly exposed.errwtf‘Ya kinda like flesh and blood,’ Chilli explained. ‘A lot.’fleshaddict‘Oh, no, I’m just a cannibal,’ Sonny replied. ‘Definitely not a vampire.’liesSatisfied with his explanation, Chilli suggested they should go scouting for more homeless people.
‘Fucking idiot,’ Sonny sighed under his breath.StupidboyThat day, they had their fill of homeless sims until Sonny got a stomach ache, and Chilli threw up.stomachache

puketimeSoon, it was time for Chilli to celebrate his eighteenth birthday. Being their only child, Basil and Tia splashed out for his party. The millions they owned was hardly going to be needed for any future generations after all.bigpartyThey even hired a DJ, who had a crush on Tremayne.DjloveAnd a magician, who accidentally on purpose fried Tremayne’s circuit board because she was jealous of this.jealousSurprisingly, no one dramatically died during this special celebration, although Cari did turn up, despite Chilli not inviting her.heycarigoawaySonny was there though, so Chilli did not really care about Cari’s existence in general. excitedchilli

Making a wish, probably involving bending Sonny over the buffet table, Chilli blew out his candles in almost one attempt.makeawishMoments later, he transformed into a very dishy young man.wellhellothereHe definitely had potential to become one of the top five attractive males in this legacy, but first he would have to sort out his hair and clothing, and his life in general.changethoseclothesSometime later, he managed to sort out the first two things.
‘Move aside, Fudge Bailey. A new type of awesome has been born.’sexychilli‘Puuuurlease, you’ve got nothing on me, boy.’fudgesass‘Wait, is this the end?’ Ricky asked. ‘Are we free to leave now?’yesrickyIndeed, the legacy had come to an end. Well, at least the main chapters. What a ride it’s been! ¬†I’m going to wrap things up with two more bonus chapters from Chilli’s POV. These will basically be his university chapters, although he’s not going off to university. After that, I’ll do an epilogue type chapter.

I’m off travelling for a few months from today, so all these bonus chapters will be posted up on my return (probably in about 3-4 months time). Please subscribe if you haven’t already, and stay tuned for those ūüôā


Chapter 9.5

Chapter 9.5 Don’t fear the Repo Man

‘So, who thought this legacy had been abandoned like a puppy on boxing day?’ One of the graduation gnomes asked at the latest gnome committee meeting.gnomemeeting
But now things were back on track. Chilli has grown up to be a good looking teenager with a slightly lopsided face. Probably the side-effects of the poison Tia had been feeding him over the years.
Fortunately, surgery rectified that issue.fixed
Chilli often spent time in the hobby room with a chainsaw. Chillichainsaw
For ‘sculpting’ obviously. Nothing to do with the students that seemed to keep disappearing from his school.Totallynotmurderingthem
Somehow he had ended up with a girlfriend as well. Cari Ferris. Her face was a bit pudgy, but overall she was ok looking. closeup
Basil thought he could do a lot better though.
‘Not gonna lie, son, but she is a bit of a butterface.’
Fortunately, Chilli had no romantic interest in her whatsoever. Or any other girls in general. Cari just had a high tolerance to rohypnol. When she had awoken in his arms whilst he was carrying her upstairs to the hobby room, she had naturally assumed he was taking her up to his room for sexy fun time.
Ever since that day, she had become completely smitten with him.
touchchilli‘Promise you’ll never leave me,’ she would say as she clung onto him for dear life.
‘I’ll be with you until your dying breath,’ Chilli replied, chillingly.hegonnamurderyou
As for Basil and Tia, they were doing alright. They were still married and committed to one another.
‘We can look just as cute as our son and his girlfriend!’ Tia exclaimed as she attempted to replicate the above screenshot with her hubby.copycats
They were still annoyed at Maple for dying during their wedding, so were constantly thrusting their wedding photos at anyone who dared visit their household, such as the picture below.
One evening, Basil was chilling on the bed, waiting for Tia to join him for a bit adult action, when a sinister looking stranger strolled into the room.basilandrepo
‘Honey, when you said you wanted to spice up our marriage, this isn’t what I was expecting!’ Basil called to Tia, who was taking a poo in their en-suite.Poo
It turned out the guy was just the Repo Man and he proceeded to quite rightly take some of their belongings, since they had neglected to pay their bills, despite they could easily afford them. Naturally, he decided to be a dick and announced he would be taking their toilet.
‘If you must,’ Tia sighed, hopping off the porcelin throne.
‘Ugh, on retrospect, you can keep it…’
Bongo then made an entrance, curious as to what all the ruckus was about.
‘Imma steal your dog,’ the repoman, called, say, Ian, decided.
After Bongo had horrifically heroically torn out Ian’s throat, Chilli eagerly assisted with destroying the rest of the evidence.cleanup
A few weeks later, once they had evaded various police investigations, the Baileys threw a party. The reason for this party is long forgotten since it has been two or more years since these screenshots were taken. Maybe it was someone’s birthday, or maybe Ricky had finally come out of the closet. Who knows.
RickeeehTia was asked not to prepare the food, following their last party where she had served up “invisible cheese platters”. ¬†Orion and Kraig had not approved of this.
Fortunately, Fudge turned up and rectified the food situation that day. He had finally graduated to being super-awesome so it seemed.
Ricky also helped out.
‘I’m helping!’
rickyfeltleftout1Anyways, it turned out that this party was to actually celebrate Christmas. Cari, being a bit of a gold-digger, was excited to see what Chilli had bought her.
Opening the present
In hindsight, perhaps buying her a knife shaped vibrator was not the best of moves. wtfisthis
Still, Chilli was displeased when she dragged him off into the kitchen for a stern word. He pondered taking her upstairs to the hobby room, but decided against it when he realised she would probably just assume he wanted to have sex with her.nosexplease
Fortunately, Chilli’s best friend, Sonny Reeder, was at the party, so things were not too miserable. Sonny was his best friend at school, a dishy young chap with a lovely bone structure. His pale complexion and bright yellow eyes were what jumped out the most, as well as the strange tattoo on his neck. Some people thought he was a vampire, but that was a silly accusation since vampires did not exist.watchthisspace
I mean, in a world of aliens, ghosts and Maple, it seemed like a really stupid concept.toomuchgoingon
Orion accused Sonny of being a tri-hard, a comment which did not go down too well giving the Baileys liking for Stephanie Myers. twilight fans
As Basil stood by the window to try and calm down, he looked over at Chilli, then at Sonny, before turning his attention back to Chilli.sulking
Suddenly, everything clicked into place. Waitasec
This young chap was the true object of Chilli’s affections. Cari was just a cleverly disguised beard.prettyvamp
Secretly, Basil had always wanted a gay son, especially one with a vampire fetish, so he decided to fully support what was to come.
Basil drank heavily that night. He was too drunk to make it upstairs to bed, so he ended up camping in a sleeping bag on the kitchen floor, because, screw using the sofas in the living room. kitchenkip
He awoke with a start at around 7am.
‘Bongo, go get Tia!’ Basil screamed when he realised he was somehow infused with the fibres of the sleeping bag.
All in all, it was a pretty standard Bailey party.

Chapter 9.2

Chapter 9.2 – Hen Shower

Tia found out she was pregnant a couple of months after her engagement to Basil.Screenshot-13304She was excited to birth the final baby in the legacy and to marry Basil once the weather was nicer.Screenshot-13319Sadly, things were not all sunshine, lollipops and babies in the Bailey household. ¬†¬†Quite recently Maple had discovered Cory’s extensive collection of alien porn on the household laptop.Screenshot-13297‘I’ve tried getting help,’ Cory explained solemnly, ‘but my addiction is too strong to break!’Screenshot-13298‘It’s always excuses with you,’ Maple hissed, eyebrows furrowing beyond their natural ability. ¬†‘Sometimes I think I’d be better off without you!’Screenshot-13299Minutes later, Maple’s wish was granted.Screenshot-13323Screenshot-13326‘Yo, you’re dead.’Screenshot-13350‘Woooooo!’ Cory cheered.Screenshot-13347‘Ok, that wasn’t the reaction I was expecting…’Screenshot-13349‘This is sure to make Maple feel guilty for the rest of her days,’ Cory explained, his eyes gleaming with glee. ¬†¬†Screenshot-13346‘You’re not allowed to be happy that you’ve died,’ The Grim Reaper moaned. ¬†‘Can you at least pretend you don’t want to cross over yet? ¬†I get a bonus for each person who pleads for their life you see, and times have been tough recently…’Screenshot-13341With reluctance, and partly out of the kindness of his still heart, Cory dropped to his knees. ¬†He hoped he would be granted an awesome house in the afterlife for doing this.Screenshot-13353‘Oh please spare me, your Lordship! ¬†I have so much to live for, so much more I want to see, so many more aliens I want to…’Screenshot-13355‘Err, come to think of it, I didn’t actually want to die… Pleeeease don’t….’Screenshot-13357‘Bored now!’ The Grim Reaper announced, before painfully sending Cory off to the afterlife with a swipe of his scythe.Screenshot-13361‘I’m going to feel so guilty for the rest of my days,’ Maple sobbed, whilst Tremayne daydreamed about finding somebody to love.Screenshot-13332And so, the graveyard collection grew once more.Screenshot-13363A few months later, when everyone had forgotten about Cory, Maple organised a baby shower for Tia.Screenshot-13386She¬†invited a small handful of guests, including Almond, Niki, and Christie – the girl who broke Orion’s heart many moons ago.¬†Screenshot-13403Tia was happy she could finally use her mixology skills to make some yummy beverages.Screenshot-13395Non-alcoholic of course, what with being pregnant and all.Screenshot-13401‘Erm, who the hell is he?’ Tia asked when she noticed a¬†stern looking man with pigtails shuffle over to the pizza. ¬† ¬†Screenshot-13406‘My name is Brenda,’ the man simply said, which perhaps suggested that he, or she, was going through some kind of gender identification crisis.¬†¬†¬†Screenshot-13409Still, things started well as they all sat around the table,¬†chatting about the latest developments in their lives. ¬†When the doorbell rang, Tia wondered, as she sat up, when they were going to shower her with presents for the baby.Screenshot-13411When Tia answered the front door, the truth came tumbling in, along with Nicole, Pistachio’s wife.

‘Let’s get ready to paaaartaaaay!’¬†Screenshot-13422As it turned out, the baby shower was just a cover up so Maple could pull off a surprise hen do for Tia, despite she would not be marrying Basil anytime soon.

‘He’s a mighty fine stripper, isn’t he?’ Nicole announced. ¬†She sunk down into a squat position and stated to pant like dog.Screenshot-13418‘I’d like to get my paws on him!’Screenshot-13420‘I’d better grab the mop and bucket,’ Tia cringed as a puddle started to form on the floor where Nicole was standing. ¬†Screenshot-13407Despite how messed up the situation was, everyone had a great time.Screenshot-13435Except for Tia, of course. ¬†Screenshot-13432Maple even tried her luck with one of the strippers, once he was back in his clothes.¬†Screenshot-13450‘Ever slept with a grandmother before?’Screenshot-13446Screenshot-13451 Maple could not understand why her pick-up did not work.Screenshot-13453Consequently, she drowned her sorrows by¬†drinking one too many margaritas and passed out just before midnight.¬†¬†Screenshot-13467‘I’m making a sandwich!’ Basil stated since he had not appeared at all in this chapter, and wanted to remind everyone that he was the heir of this generation.Screenshot-13149

Razzle Basil (Part 2)

Razzle Basil (Part 2)

Up until my final year at University, I had never been in a fight in my entire life.Screenshot-12975It’s amazing how quickly that can change, particularly when a guy tries to hit on your girlfriend. Old Scott wasn’t expecting me to confront him inside the Student Union. ¬†I suppose that’s why he almost wet himself.Screenshot-12977‘You didn’t have to do it,’ Tia sighed as she messily chewed on her spag bol. ‘I handled myself pretty well when he tried to chat me up.’Screenshot-13097I almost choked on my own plate of food (thankfully I had just swallowed the final mouthful).

‘Tia, the creep tried to grope you!’Screenshot-13093‘You’re not worth the effort,’ Scott had said, when I had requested he fight me then and there. ‘Tia deserves a better man, you know?’Screenshot-12988As he turned his back on me,¬†I saw red. ¬†The next I knew, I was grappling with him, trying my hardest to place my hands around his stupid neck. ¬†He fought back, hard.Screenshot-12979He made a valiant effort to defend himself, until my knee drove heavily into his lower back. ¬†There was a sharp cracking sound, followed by a howl of pain.Screenshot-12984Whatever I had caused him,¬†I hoped it had inflicted some lasting damage.Screenshot-12983‘I don’t like it when you’re aggressive, even if its just to protect me,’ Tia revealed. ¬†I arched my eyebrows in confusion.

‘Then how do you suggest I fight off the men who try and touch you up?’ I asked.Screenshot-13096‘You don’t need to. ¬†I had already dealt with him with a swift kick to the meat and two veg.’Screenshot-13098Naturally, we threw a rocking masquerade party to celebrate that revelation.Screenshot-13039In all honesty, despite I was obviously amazed that Tia was a kickass young lady, I was secretly impressed that I had got away with almost breaking someone’s back. ¬†I would have assumed that kind of behaviour could have got me kicked out of University, or worse, thrown in jail. ¬†It made me think that I could perhaps get away with a bit more than that in the future.Screenshot-13032Our final results came around quicker than I anticipated.Screenshot-13107I ended up scraping my way through with a 2:1.Screenshot-13110Tia was surprised she had achieved a 2:2, despite she had flunked her final few assignments (it turned out that a Technology degree is hard as balls).Screenshot-13112She was so eager to receive her diploma that she forgot to wear her cap and gown on the big day.¬†Screenshot-13123I was polite enough to lend her my gown when she inevitably became cold.Screenshot-13131‘Where do we go from here?’ Tia asked later that day, when we were sitting in the snow, freezing our arses off.Screenshot-13099‘Well…’¬†I slid closer to her side. ¬†I tilted my head up to the sky, her eyes following suit.

‘The world is ours to do as we please. ¬†Let’s make a difference.’Screenshot-13100And also see what other crimes we can get away with…¬†¬†My thoughts whispered.





Chapter 8.8

Chapter 8.8 Nice day for a white wedding

Maple and Cory decided to throw a winter wedding in their backyard, just to be different. ¬†Being insanely rich, they were able to afford ice sculpted chairs and a cute DJ called Tom.Screenshot-11572To Maple’s annoyance, the paparazzi also made an appearance since she was a Z list celebrity in the media world. ¬†Fortunately, she had a way to deal with such inconveniences.

‘Hmm, that’s funny,’ Maple spoke out loud, ‘I don’t remembering hiring a¬†chubby¬†and persistently annoying photographer for the wedding.’Screenshot-11564‘Bitch’Screenshot-11560Soon, the official photographer turned up, just in the nick of time for the happy couple to exchange vows and what not.Screenshot-11598As it turned out, Maple was not very photogenic.Screenshot-11595Yet Cory was.Screenshot-11599For this reason, Maple¬†favoured the long distant shots, and the ones where she was not gawping like a demented pitbull.Screenshot-11600During the ceremony,¬†Pistachio was, perhaps, a little bit too emotional.Screenshot-11593No one, apart from his wife (Nicole), found it endearing.Screenshot-11615‘Now we’re married, I guess this means you’re gonna start nagging me more often now,’ Cory joked.

Maple stared him down into a deathly silence.Screenshot-11580He then quickly kissed her before¬†she could ask for a divorce.Screenshot-11606Screenshot-11614‘Cake time!’ Maple enthused, and quite rightly so.Screenshot-11621-editScreenshot-11622-editMaple was quite happily about to dig into her scrumptious slice of wedding cake, until Devon Hoff made his way over to her table, balancing his own equally slice of awesomeness on his old arthritic hand.Screenshot-11629-editMaple did her best to ignore him as he stood there, but he soon enough spoke up.Screenshot-11628-edit‘Room for one more?’ He asked, eyes hopeful.Screenshot-11626-editScreenshot-11627-edit‘Give it time, she’ll come running back to me,’ Devon confidently said, five minutes later, sat at a completely different table.Screenshot-11631-edit‘Sorry, old man,’ Almond asked, her mouth filled with delicious moist cake, ‘did you say something?’Screenshot-11630-editMeanwhile, since the DJ had decided to up and leave before the party was even over, the ever musically talented Rolo had¬†taken over.Screenshot-11633-edit‘I’m making musics!’Screenshot-11635-editNow, it was a common misconception that aliens unitentionally invented dub-step when they first attempted to make contact with humans. ¬†Naturally this was not the case, and as soon discovered,¬†this type of “music” played at exceedingly high volumes was very damaging to an alien’s eardrums, and thus resulted in Orion passing out and almost freezing to death in the snow.Screenshot-11642-editFortunately, Tremayne had come outside to show off his new lover: the hairdryer.Screenshot-11643-edit‘Suppose I’d better do the just thing…’ Tremayne sighed, and proceeded to thaw Orion with Brenda the hairdryer.Screenshot-11644-editMinutes later, Orion had been defrosted. ¬†Tremayne cheered for joy, well, until Orion snatched the hairdryer out from his hand, tossed it into the pool and swore at Tremayne for burning his perfect alien complexion, before marching off.Screenshot-11647-edit‘Why do I even bother?’ Tremayne sighed, then¬†decided to head on inside for a¬†piping hot shower.Screenshot-11648-editThat night, several guests decided to stay over,¬†and by stay over, I mean they basically decided to stand on the front porch and wet themselves because they had temporarily lost the ability to navigate themselves down a straight path and leave the property through an open gate. Pistachio was one of these people, which was why he was a bit stinky the following morning.

After breakfast, he approached Rolo, who was about to practice his mad skills on the DJ booth.Screenshot-11650‘Soon the time will come for Maple to pass the legacy down to someone, and personally, I think¬†you’re best suited,’ Pistachio confessed. ¬†In all honesty, he did not entirely feel this way¬†and¬†just fancied witnessing a bit of drama between his nephews.

‘Couldn’t agree with you anymore, Unc,’ Rolo replied, finally glad that someone had recognised his great potential. ¬†‘Basil may be a smart guy, but he does have a tendency to steal things at times; not particularly a positive role model for the next generation, right?’Screenshot-11649They continued to bitch about Basil until¬†Rolo eventually noticed that his younger brother¬†had in fact been standing right by them for the entirety of their private conversation, which made things a little bit awkward.Screenshot-11651Naturally, this gave¬†Basil the incentive to prove he could be a just a worthy heir as Rolo could be. ¬†He already had some pretty good traits, minus his kleptomania, so all he needed was a baby vessel, and he had just the girl in mind. ¬†Tia Aquino¬†was a generic pretty¬†young lady¬†who was in a few of his classes at school.Screenshot-11652‘Wanna go out with me so I have a shot at owning all the fancy stuff in this house?’Screenshot-11674Tia accepted his proposition, partly out of pity, but mainly out of greed.Screenshot-11675‘This legacy is giving me a headache,’ rudley interrupted Devon. ¬†In truth, he was feeling bitter that Maple had selected Cory over him and the realisation that he would never become a valued part of the Bailey legacy had become too much to bear.Screenshot-11668Thankfully for him, this generation was now finished, which meant it was unlikely he would ever be mentioned again, unless Basil is selected as the final heir, but that is totally up to the public! ¬†This time the heir voting poll will be posted up once the university chapters have been posted up.
I’m on holiday between 5th October – 16th October, so the university chapters shall commence on my return ūüôā ¬†Much love.

Chapter 8.5

Chapter 8.5 Dying for a sleepover

Despite being an alien, Orion managed to become the cutest child in the house.Screenshot-11014Twix debated whether or not to sell him out to the science facility for money. However, since his family were already millionaires, he decided against this.Screenshot-11016And thus, he decided to¬†treat Orion like a Grandson and helped him prepare for University.¬†Screenshot-11197Rolo, his true Grandson, did not have much of an interest in science or smart things, so there was no hope there.Screenshot-11091And his latest one, Basil, was still a lame baby.Screenshot-11168Whitney still had faith in Rolo, however. ¬†She decided to influence him to be charismatic so he could talk his way through life. ¬† ¬†Screenshot-11239Several uneventful months later, Basil started to develop some facial features. Fortunately for the family, he didn’t look a thing like¬†Devon Hoff, and even possessed yellow eyes, so everyone just assumed he was Cory’s son.Screenshot-11216Whitney did not really care who the father was in truth; she was just glad he was not an alien.Screenshot-11219Rolo, who had gained the party animal trait at some stage in his short life, decided to throw a slumber party for his tenth birthday.Screenshot-11255This was mainly because he wanted an excuse to spend time with¬†Niki Natalis, a cute girl who enjoyed karaoke almost as much as he did.Screenshot-11269That evening, they did a rather awesome rendition of “You’re the one that I want” from Grease, minus the leather clothing as that would have been slightly inappropriate.Screenshot-11264-look outWhilst his brother sung various other songs from musicals and the other children poked the bee hive in the back garden with sticks,¬†Orion was content playing video games with Christie Rooney, the only child in school that did not tease or bully him for being an alien.Screenshot-11258‘We’ll be best friends forever, right?’ Orion asked.Screenshot-11262‘Yeah, whatever; now shut up, I’m one kill streak away from getting the attack dogs.’Screenshot-11261For some un-earthly reason, the children thought it would be a grand idea to sleep outdoors, despite it was the end of spring, and the weather was irrational.Screenshot-11277On this matter, Mika made her views very clear.Screenshot-11280‘You children suck!’Screenshot-11279In hindsight, it was probably a better idea than sleeping in the kitchen, like back in Chapter 7.7. ¬†This meant that Twix could actually freely conjure up some grub, without getting trapped anywhere.Screenshot-10954‘Wait, what’s happening?’ Twix asked as the bread board started to glow. ¬†It took him a few more seconds to realise that the glow was in fact coming from him and his fancy pajamas.Screenshot-10957‘So, this is what it’s like to die? ¬†Nice.’ Screenshot-10961A few minutes later, the rest of the family, minus the children who were still asleep, all congregated in the kitchen as the old Grim Reaper appeared to claim Twix’s soul.¬†Screenshot-10967‘I’m gonna be so lonely!’ Whitney sobbed.Screenshot-10969‘Err, actually, you’re entitled to remarry and what not,’ Grimmy said.Screenshot-10968‘Oh really? ¬†Sweet!’Screenshot-10971Twix decided to do something a little bit crazy, figuring he had nothing left to lose being dead. and all. ¬†He had been carrying a particular flower around with him for a while after it had randomly appeared in his inventory.

‘Please accept this as a token of my appreciation for all your hard work!’Screenshot-10975The room fell silent as the Grim Reaper stared at the flower, then at Twix, then back at the flower. ¬†Maple winced, anticipating her Father to be whisked away into his platinum tombstone.Screenshot-10972‘O-M-G, Twix, this is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever given me,’ Grimmy confessed, his eye sockets welling up¬†underneath his hood. ¬†Meanwhile, Whitney fantasied about¬†being wrapped in the arms of a muscular toyboy.Screenshot-10976‘Here, have your skin and stuff back.’Screenshot-10978Twix gasped in amazement as he returned to his former fleshy self.Screenshot-10979Twix was puzzled as to why Grimmy spared his life that day, for the sake of a flower, but soon enough he decided to just enjoy the additional time he had been given instead of fretting over something so trivial.Screenshot-10982As for the¬†Grim Reaper, he thoroughly enjoyed the rest of his day, and found the most lovely vase to put his flower in.




Chapter 8.4

Chapter 8.4 Green Affairs

Life with the fridge people did not turn out as anticipated, so Whitney returned to reality and decided to focus on her own flesh and blood.Screenshot-10942This meant disposing of the things which did not fit this criteria.Screenshot-10988Screenshot-10991Fortunately, Tremayne booted up in time before he and Orion were recycled. ¬†After that the two little misfits were inseparable.Screenshot-10951‘Enough of those misfits! ¬†It’s Christmas, let’s partaaaay!’ Maple announced, ruining ¬†the sentimental opening¬†¬†to this chapter, and terrifying the poor blond guy standing in front of her.Screenshot-10912‘One of those misfits is my son,’ Sunnup said. ¬†She had been invited to the party by Cory as he thought it would be a good idea for Orion to know that Maple was definitely not his mother, and also because Cory hoped he could participate in a bit of alien intercourse.Screenshot-10911Anyways, Maple had also invited a certain someone along to her party; Devon Hoff,¬†the older brother of a guy she had dated during high school, and also one of her fellow work colleagues.Screenshot-10914This guy if you have to know (Morris Hoff). ¬†Sadly he was married with children.Screenshot-10909Devon was not, thus making him a suitable man.
‘So, err, do you like stuff?’Screenshot-10936‘Devon, Maple is depressed with her current life and wants to bang you in attempt to feel¬†better about herself,’ Almond¬†translated.Screenshot-10937‘Erm, I’m not sure if I want that,’ Devon replied.Screenshot-10935‘It’s you or your brother, and in her current state she would definitely sink that low.’Screenshot-10939So, the following night, Maple ended up setting foot into Devon’s flat.Screenshot-10996‘You promise you won’t break up my brother’s family, right?’ Devon asked, body trembling in fear.Screenshot-11001‘As long as you promise to love me and take me away from my prison of a life!’ Maple chirped.Screenshot-10997‘Of course.’Screenshot-10998Spolier: He did not.Screenshot-11000A few months¬†later, Cory was still being a doting father, despite circumstances had changed once more.Screenshot-11034Screenshot-11035Yes indeed, another little bundle of joy was on the way.Screenshot-11046Cory would have been thrilled, if it had not been for the fact he had not made woohoo with Maple for well over a year.Screenshot-11036Because of this, he had a¬†small suspicion that this baby was not his.Screenshot-11038‘Ya think?’ Fudge sighed, before he continued to munch on the rotten food placed before him.Screenshot-11114Classy as ever.

Pistachio’s Nuts (Part 2)

Pistachio’s Nuts (Part 2)

The plan to win back Nicole’s affections was flawless. First of all, I cut down on being a dick. ¬†Second, she loved dancing; I’d seen her go crazy on several nights out – mostly grinding against other guys to try and make me jealous. ¬†Problem was, although I was physically fit, I had two left feet when it came to dancing and always resorted to that awkward swaying thing people do, instead of risking breaking a limb. Therefore, using a thing called the internet, I started¬†my hunt for the best dancer on campus.¬†Screenshot-10426Unfortunately, I had grown addicted to this game called The Peeps, where you create your own little virtual people and stick them in house, then either drown, starve or set them on fire, so I soon forgot about my quest.Screenshot-10425Luck would have it, however, one of my roommates was a¬†decent dancer, and she was willing to teach me. ¬† ¬† ¬†¬†Screenshot-10421And I thought I was doing pretty good, considering my foot condition.Screenshot-10420‘You’ve got a long way to go,’ she sighed, ‘maybe we should learn something simpler.’Screenshot-10424Many dance lessons later, I gatecrashed one of Nicole’s pool parties. ¬†She was not best pleased, but I managed to convince her that I could convince her that I was a better man.Screenshot-10432I figured things could go no worse than when we had crossed paths a month or so after the whole hot-tub incident. ‘How about I take you inside and warm you up?’ I had purred into her ear.Screenshot-10413‘I’d rather choke to death on toilet paper,’ ¬†came her response.Screenshot-10414That was a dark day indeed.Screenshot-10415This time,¬†I was confident my¬†plan would work. ‘What are you doing?’ Nicole asked as I reached out and placed her hands in mine.Screenshot-10433‘I’ll be your domestic King,’ I proposed,¬†‘I’ve even learnt how to clean¬†and everything.’Screenshot-10434‘Also, I didn’t intend for that to rhyme…’Screenshot-10427‘Err, ok, but you’re still a douche-bag,’ ¬†Nicole ever-so-bluntly stated.Screenshot-10436‘I beg to differ,’ I replied.¬†¬†‘I’ve actually also took the time to¬†learn how to make the best waffles in the world.’Screenshot-10440‘Seriously, they’re rather delicious!’Screenshot-10465Placing my arms on her waist, I told her to follow my lead as we started dancing a crazy combination of the waltz and a drunken walrus. ¬†Soon enough, we got the hang of it and it was rather pleasant being that close to her.Screenshot-10445‘You’re definitely the strangest guy I’ve ever met,’ Nicole sighed, drawing her lips close to mine. ¬†Then we kissed, and quite honestly my brain shutdown after that.Screenshot-10446‘If you hurt me, I’ll make sure you suffer.’ ¬†Those were the sweet words that sealed the deal. ¬†Ok, then my brain shutdown.Screenshot-10437Despite this, somehow, I ended up with first in my degree.Screenshot-10510 Screenshot-10511I was pretty chuffed to say the least.Screenshot-10516Nicole did well too, achieving a 2:1. ¬†I teased her that she missed out on a first because of all the rubbish parties she threw.Screenshot-10522She withdrew sex for almost two weeks. ¬†It was a very dark time.Screenshot-10524Before we left University forever, there was one more thing we had to do.Screenshot-10492‘I’m pretty sure we could get¬†arrested for trespassing,’ I¬†stated, staring down at the hot tub that had tried to bring us together in the past, but had failed miserably.Screenshot-10489‘They’ll have to catch us first,’ Nicole mentioned.Screenshot-10490‘That’s my girl!’Screenshot-10493Sinking into the warmth of the hot tub, completely naked, I¬†sighed out in bliss. ¬†To think this whole thing has been Nicole’s idea.¬†Screenshot-10496‘Get over here, you!’Screenshot-10499Screenshot-10503‘You know, I really love you, army boy,’ Nicole cooed. ¬†Usually such mushiness would have made me vomit, but since we were in a hot tub, that wouldn’t have been a good shout.Screenshot-10506Locking lips, I decided I could get used to spending the foreseeable future with this lovely lady; even if her parties were a little bit naff.Screenshot-10505

Pistachio’s Nuts (Part 1)

Pistachio’s Nuts¬†(Part 1)

‘Go long!’ I shouted across the courtyard.Screenshot-10184Of course, Maple, my not so athletically gifted sister, barely had time to react before the ball whacked against her thigh.

‘Oomph! ¬†Goddammit, not so hard!’Screenshot-10182‘Ha, that’s what she said!’Screenshot-10185University was one of those things I was roped into¬†since a¬†Physical Education degree was necessary in order to apply to the military career these days. ¬†Shame it was ridiculously easy.Screenshot-10212‘Conclusion; he should have eaten more food.’Screenshot-10213The first party I was ever invited to at University was rubbish, and I was more than happy to express my view about this.Screenshot-10356‘Hate to say it Nicole, you really suck at hosting parties.’Screenshot-10224I must have struck a nerve because Nicole started getting all sassy with me.

‘Ok, boy, why don’t you host your own party and show me how it’s done?’¬†Screenshot-10227‘Hmm, that gives me a great idea.’Screenshot-10232‘Nicole, I am going to host my own party and show you how it’s done!’Screenshot-10226And so I started work on preparing my awesome party. ¬†The first step was to the fix the juice keg, and modify slightly so more liquid would spurt out from the nozzle (whey oh!). ¬†Then I compiled one of the best playlists of all times, so incredible that to this day I refuse to share it with anyone else.Screenshot-10280On the eve of the party, screeching like a nine year old girl at a One Direction concert, I shimmied over to the juice keg, where a couple of cute ladies were hanging out.Screenshot-10218It seemed they couldn’t keep their hands off my nozzle (whey oh!).¬†¬†Screenshot-10220As I was about to suggest we got some body-shots going,¬†I noticed that outside Nicole was sitting in the hot tub, fully clothed for some reason (at least from the waist up), all alone. ¬†Handing my half-empty cup to the nearest person, ¬†I tugged off my shirt and jeans, I rushed across the freezing cold grass and joined her in the bubbly warmth of the tub.

‘Hey, army boy,’ she teased, probably a reference to the camouflage patterned underwear I was wearing.Screenshot-10256‘You can take off your top, you know, and any other clothing really…’ I hinted.Screenshot-10248I half-expected her to get all sassy at me again, but instead her cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

‘It’s my first time in a hot tub and, as stupid as it sounds, since it’s snowing, I was worried about getting cold.’ ¬†I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at her stupidity, considering I was probably just as drunk as she was.Screenshot-10249‘So,’ I said, placing my arms behind my head, ‘since I won our bet with my party being so much more awesome, I guess that means you have to sleep with me now?’Screenshot-10261Preparing to scoot over to her, I was surprised when Nicole recoiled in disgust.

‘Firstly, what bet? ¬†Secondly, what the hell is wrong with you, weirdo?’Screenshot-10257Naturally, those words stung, but no more than watching her clamber out the hot tub, flaunting her perfect bum in my direction as she announced she was going home.Screenshot-10259‘And so I can only conclude that she’s a lesbian,’ I explained to Maple once we were back at home to celebrate some kind of special occasion or event. ¬†As always, she remained silent as she shook her head disapprovingly.Screenshot-10344Back at Uni, it took a few more weeks of partying and working out like a beast to realise that I was a bit of a douche-bag. ¬†That side of me had to change pronto if I wanted to live beyond the age of twenty-five.Screenshot-10365

Chapter 7.10

Chapter 7.10 If you don’t succeed, maybe you should give up

The years flew on by, at least quick enough for Pistachio to become a teenager.Screenshot-9552He possessed a determined nature, which meant he constantly spent his hours trying to master a single chin-up. ¬†¬†¬†Screenshot-9549‘Ngh!’¬†Screenshot-9553‘Almost there!’Screenshot-9554The main thing was that he was a trier, and that was all his parents could ask for, particularly since he hoped to join the military one day.Screenshot-9552Almond also possessed a similar nature since she was interested in joining the business career once she was an adult.Screenshot-9558She had the hots for a guy in her class called Matt. ¬†Rumour had it, his eyebrows had their own personalities.Screenshot-9557Unfortunately, none of them were interested in Almond.Screenshot-9560Since it was the final main chapter in this generation, Ewok decided it was a good enough time to kick the bucket.Screenshot-9637She was excited to see Snowy again, and also gain the ability to fly.Screenshot-9641The Grim Reaper happily accepted her request and gave her Peter Pan-like powers.Screenshot-9642It was all well and good, until she noticed that there was a ceiling above her, and that Grimmy had “forgotten” to open up the portal to the other realm.

‘Craaaap!’Screenshot-9643A few days later, and a lot of scrubbing blood off the ceiling, the realisation of getting old hit Twix hard.Screenshot-9572‘I’m getting old.’¬†¬†Screenshot-9573Sadly, as it was his birthday, there was not much that could be done.Screenshot-9596Reluctantly, he blew out his candles and prayed he still had a few more years left in him.Screenshot-9597Whitney, who loved birthday cake perhaps a little bit too much, cleaned up the table in her own special fashion the following morning.Screenshot-9562Naturally, Ricky Bailey did not approve.Screenshot-9569As for Maple, she did not care as she saw the real life Milky Bar Kid at school the very same day and decided after this that she had to pursue a career in the film industry.Screenshot-9670Twix did not give too much of a damn either as he managed to reach his life-time wish and cooked up an awesome curry to celebrate. ¬†All in all, it was a pleasant generation.Screenshot-9663Right,¬†same as last time, the voting poll will be posted up before the usual University bonus chapters. ¬†This worked well with the previous generation so thought it’d be a good idea to keep it this way ūüôā ¬†There’s also a 7 or so day age gap between Maple and Pistachio, so it makes sense really. ¬†¬†Also, like last time, the¬†voting poll will remain up for a week or two, during this time Maple’s and possibly Almond’s University chapters will be posted up. ¬†After that, once the winner is announced, Pistachio’s bonus chapters will be uploaded, then we will proceed with Generation 8!

The poll will emerge soon. ¬†Please keep your eyes peeled ūüėČ x x x


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