A Bailey Legacy

Tis rather delicious

Archive for the tag “Frangelico”

Chapter 6.3

Chapter 6.3 – Never trust a Fireman’s pole

It didn’t take too long for Frangelico to become a local celebrity thanks to her questionable awesome singing / whistling ability.Screenshot-6028Using their wealthy expenses, Frangelico and her boyfriend, Jerry Wheeler, bought a lovely three bedroom house on the nice side of town and decided to get married a few months later.Screenshot-5987After that, it wasn’t long at all before Frangelico became pregnant.Screenshot-6040Eventually, she ended up having a baby boy, whom Jerry named after his favourite Pokemon character.Franny is a mummy

As for Saffron, for once her love life actually existed.  She had met a strapping young man on a night out with a few of her co-workers.  His name was Max Grant and naturally he was the biggest douchebag who worked at the local fire station.  He had a reputation of bedding a different girl pretty much every week.  He also had two children from two different woman, one of these ladies being his older brother’s wife (true in game story).Screenshot-6034Completely smitten, Saffron quickly moved in with him and also often stopped by to visit him after she had finished work, despite at first he refused to let her kiss him, his excuse being that it wasn’t a professional thing for him to do in front of his work colleagues.Screenshot-6036Screenshot-6037Saffron sensed that this wasn’t normal behaviour, particularly because his co-workers were not in the same room as them half the time she visited.Screenshot-6038Eventually Saffron had enough.  One afternoon, she marched straight up to Max and forced her lips against his, right in front of his best friend, Peter Ferris.Screenshot-6054Being a bit of a sex maniac, Max went with the flow.Screenshot-6055‘I want you,’ Max panted, breath hot against her mouth, ‘let’s take this to the sofa.’Screenshot-6059‘Dude, I’m still in the room!’ Peter exclaimed, although Saffron did not give a flying fuck.Screenshot-6056This opinion was cemented when she proceeded to pole dance on the fireman’s pole. Then she had sex with Max on the sofa, with Peter still sitting there, too terrified to move.Screenshot-6053Literally days later, Saffron decided to propose to Max.  She thought she had tamed the beast, you see.Screenshot-6090Being a materialistic arsehole, he accepted her proposal.Screenshot-6091‘I wonder how much cash I can get from this at the pawn shop?’ Max said, accidentally out loud instead of thinking it.Screenshot-6093‘What?’ Saffron said, before Max quickly pulled her into a warm embrace.

‘I was joking,’ Max laughed, before adding that she was the love of his life and that he would treat her like a princess forever and ever.Screenshot-6096Unfortunately he was lying.God dammit MaxTheir engagement had lasted barely a week.  It turned out that he’d also been seeing some girl he’d met at the laundromat who had strange looking breasts.Screenshot-6152Check them out!Screenshot-6156To add insult to injury, Saffron’s ex from University, Garry, proudly announced, a few days later, that he was now a father.Garry is a daddy lolFortunately, Saffron decided that suicide was not the answer and put all her focus into her career, swearing to never let another man mess her around again.  To cement her new found independence, she moved out from Max’s apartment and bought her own place using her awesome salary.  

Naturally, Cointreau and Jeffery, who had moved into the Bailey household a few months ago, had a laugh and joke when they heard about Saffron’s misadventures with love. Screenshot-6003Jeffery then reminded Cointreau that he was all hot and awesome and would never hurt her like Max had done to Saffron.Screenshot-6013Screenshot-6009Cointreau was pleased with this.  She also hoped that since all her siblings had now moved out and stuff that she would be mentioned more in the next few chapters, what with being the founder of this generation and all. Screenshot-6012 

Chapter 6.1

Chapter 6.1 – Error Code 12…

Immediately after Saffron and Peach graduated from University, the Bailey family packed up and moved to a lovely town called Setra (basically a lovechild of Bridgeport and Al Simhara). The reason why they chose to leave Sunlit Tides was never really established, but it may have been linked to Jameson accidentally setting fire to half the island during a one-off acrobatic show at the park.Screenshot-5207Anyways, it certainly had nothing to do with the Error Code 12 saving error.error12
Their new house was very fancy and even had a fence and gate to keep any unwanted visitors at bay.Screenshot-5204Here is a sample of what Jameson and Mika did for pretty much the entire duration their children were at University.Screenshot-5232As for Tremayne, who had been the family’s faithful robot since sometime in Generation 2, he decided to embrace his new start by upgrading his OS to version 7.  This came complete with a new skin and the function to upload his pictures straight to Facebook.  Unfortunately, the new interface took some getting used to.Screenshot-5203Peach and Milo left the house as soon as they could.Screenshot-5227They went to move in with Danny Harris, Peach’s sweetheart from University, who she had recently found out possessed the commitment issues trait.  Not like it deterred her.  He had a nice face and thus would help her produce pretty babies some day.Screenshot-5919Saffron remained in the Bailey household whilst she advanced in the medical field.  She was too occupied with rising up the ranks to find a suitable man.  That and her squeeze from University, Garry Cinder, who also happened to live in Setra, had ended up marrying some other chick, so naturally Saffron was bitter and jealous about this.Screenshot-5226Therefore, it was only natural she took this frustration out on her patients.Screenshot-5233Earl also hung around the house for a free meal ticket and naturally joined the music career.Screenshot-5915He also became good at cooking in preparation for eventually moving out to live with Tiffany Angles, his lady friend from University.Screenshot-5941Frangelico, or Franny Pie (as she went by for her stage name), was clearly still doing her singing stuff, something to keep her occupied before she would start popping out kids.Screenshot-5942She even went on to develop the “whistle-gram”.Screenshot-5943This was met with a lukewarm reception.Screenshot-5945Finally, as expected, Cointreau joined the criminal career, although she appeared to dress more like she had joined the prostitution career.  This, however, only turned out to be a clever decoy to stop her family suspecting she was mingling with an evil crowd.Screenshot-5952Cointreau had actually never anticipated she would be chosen to take over the household, so it came as a bit of a surprise to her.Screenshot-5967Funnily enough, it was Ricky who nominated Cointreau to be the baby producer for this generation.  He enjoyed the fact that she was as much of a troll as he was so had convinced Jameson that she was ideal for the role.  That and he created scandals about Cointreau’s siblings so they would be considered unworthy compared to Cointreau.Screenshot-5247Ricky had faith that this generation would not fail to amuse him.Screenshot-5246

Franny Pie (Part 2)

Franny Pie (Part 2)

I didn’t expect much to happen after returning to University after the Christmas break.  We were getting a new room mate to replace Riley Woods who had been hospitalized with a severe case of food poisoning.  Still, I expected this person to be as boring as Riley had been.Screenshot-5728How wrong I was.  And, to top it all off, he was cute.  I had to be the first person he saw when he walked in to, didn’t I?Screenshot-5730‘Hey, I’m Jerry, the new guy,’ he introduced, whilst I just stood there like a lemon staring at his vibrant blue eyes.Screenshot-5731Screenshot-5737‘Err, I’m guessing you’re the weird housemate I’ll have to avoid?’ Jerry said after an awkward silence had elapsed.Screenshot-5735Instantly I snapped out of my trance.

‘Crap, no, I’m sorry!’ I said, placing a hand against my chest, whilst I dug around in my mind for an explanation which wouldn’t sound too stalker creepy-like.  Hot panic burnt against my skin as I wrestled with the right words, then he stepped towards me, eyes clouded with concern.Screenshot-5734‘No, I’m sorry,’ Jerry spoke, his voice softening, ‘I tend to put my foot in it and times and… I hope I haven’t offended you.’

When he placed his hand on my shoulder, I felt my heart flutter against my chest.

‘No, not at all,’ I replied, briefly tapping my hand against his waist.Screenshot-5741Jerry shut his eyes and breathed a small sigh of relief.  Likewise a weight from my shoulders had been lifted.  Thank the heavens this guy was neither an arse or a smooth talker.Screenshot-5739Despite we had almost got off on the wrong foot, it wasn’t long before Jerry and I became firm friends. He was quite the enthusiast, particularly when it came to music and arts.  It was a surprise when I found out he was studying business, just like Cointreau, although the modules he had picked differed to hers so they didn’t share many classes together.Screenshot-5828He was a talented bassist though, and we started to jamming together whenever we could.Screenshot-5826I didn’t want to admit it, but I was slowly falling for him.Screenshot-5827Of course I told Cointreau, she was my sister after all… and Earl was too busy frolicking around with Tiff and studying for his final exams.  I expected Cointreau to deter me from asking Jerry out, after all, she had never approved of Earl dating Tiff, or any of the other guys I had been on dates with, but I just wanted her to know how much Jerry meant to me.Screenshot-5812‘Jerry’s an alright guy,’ Cointreau said, ‘I know he wouldn’t do anything which would make me want to snap his neck, so you’ve got my seal of approval.’Screenshot-5809That was all the encouragement I needed.  Mustering my courage up that afternoon, I poured my heart out to Jerry and a look of relief gradually washed across his face.Screenshot-5822‘There’s me all worried that I’d been friend-zoned,’ Jerry said, a warm inflection to his words.  ‘I feel the same way too.’Screenshot-5821As his hand reached up to stroke my cheek I grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him in for a much anticipated kiss.Screenshot-5824Screenshot-5818A month or so later, we were inseparable.    Screenshot-5902 Screenshot-5903Graduation day only came too quickly, but in all honesty I was eager to start the next chapter in life with Jerry by my side.Screenshot-5893My only true concerned rested with my twin, Cointreau.  Although, on the outside, she appeared to be sweet and innocent, Evil had always rued her somewhat ever since we were little and I was terrified that one day it would consume her completely.Screenshot-5876

Voting Time – Generation 6

Voting Time – Generation 6

It’s that time again!  Like last time, please see below for the candidates and their reasons for fronting the 6th generation.  The poll (located at the bottom of the page) will close on 16th September 2013.  Happy voting 🙂

Peach Bailey - Voting Pic


1) Horses!

2) I happen to be master at pulling the best facial expressions.  Hours of entertainment ensured for all.  I’m also named after a fruit.

3) Did I mention, horses?

Saffron Bailey - Voting Pic


1) First career driven lady since Irish Bailey (Pippy Bailey does not count… “acting” is not a career).

2) Check out my eyes; purely from generation 1.  Don’t want these going extinct now, do we?

3) Trust me, I’m a doctor.

Earl Bailey - Voting Pic 


1) If you vote for me, the next generation will be an awesome explosion of musical charisma.

2) Male heirs rock.

3) Tiffany Angles.  ‘Nuff said.

Cointreau Bailey - Voting Pic


1) This legacy is not evil enough.  Let’s change that.

2) I’m cute and deadly, a brilliant combination.  The world will be mine, and my children shall be my minions.

3) Vote for the dark side… we have cookies.

Frangelico Bailey - Voting Pic


1) Pop career, hell yeah!

2) Me and this guy plan to have beautiful babies.

3) I’ll be the best mother and wife, ever.


Franny Pie (Part 1)

Franny Pie (Part 1)

Ever since I was child, I’d loved music.  When my mother used to take my siblings and I to watch my father, the one and only True Jameson, perform at his acrobatic shows, it wasn’t his death-defying stunts which kept me entertained, it was more so the music that accompanied his performances.Screenshot-5434No surprise that when I was old enough I decided that I wanted to become a singer.  Soon after we moved to Setra I found part-time work as a sing-a-gram.Screenshot-5323I often sung to my family as way of practice, in hope that one day I would perform in front of a huge crowd.Screenshot-5322When I headed off to University, I instantly took on the role of Mother hen, cooking breakfast most mornings for my room mates and making sure they all headed off to their classes on time (even when they were hungover).Screenshot-5384Although I was creative, I wasn’t really into drawing.  Unfortunately, since I was studying a degree in Fine Arts, it was something I couldn’t avoid participating in.Screenshot-5420Still, my course mates were lovely.Screenshot-5439Particularly Jeffrey Dean.  He was three years older than me, and rather gorgeous.Screenshot-5441Screenshot-5440I decided to approach my brother, Earl, for a piece of advice.  I was certain that if he could balance his studies whilst being in a relationship I could do the same.Screenshot-5447‘You know he’s failed his first year twice, right?  That’s why he’s in all your classes,’ Earl explained, the concern in his voice mirroring the protective glimmer in his eyes, ‘definitely a no-go for you, Fran.’Screenshot-5445‘Why does it matter?  I’m not a brainbox like you, Earl.  You know I only applied for University so I’d have a safety net to fall back on,’ I said.  It was true, I would have much rather stayed in Setra to try and establish a singing career, but my parents persuaded me it was best to obtain a degree in case I struggled to obtain my ultimate lifetime wish.Screenshot-5444‘Tell you what, Fran, I may be able to find a suitable man for you,’ Earl revealed, ‘a man who won’t be a bad influence.’Screenshot-5443‘Oh really?  And where do you plan on finding him?’ I asked. ‘Narnia perhaps?’Screenshot-5446Screenshot-5450‘No, wait!  I actually know the perfect guy.’Screenshot-5451Somehow, I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like his suggestion.  Nevertheless, I went ahead with it.Screenshot-5452Bernie Butler was his name, and a lovely guy he was too despite he dressed like a thirty-something year old multi-millionaire driving a convertible with it’s top down (you know the sort!).Screenshot-5469We decided to go bowling since it was pouring down with rain outside.  He was more than happy to let me bowl first.  Truth was, I’d never even been to a bowling alley before.  As I fumbled to pick up the bowling ball from the dispenser machine thingy I could feel his judging eyes boring into me.Screenshot-5474Rolling my arm back behind me, I took a deep breath in before swinging it forwards.  Almost immediately I staggered forwards on my feet, and the ball flew not so gracefully into the gutter.Screenshot-5477Cheeks burning bright red, I slowly turned to face him, expecting him to be in hysterics.  Instead he was posed with one hand on his hip and with a finger against his lips, eyes appearing to be in deep thought.

‘Let’s work on your technique,’ Bernie suggested.Screenshot-5476Of course, he was awesome at bowling and spent most the night showing me how to hold the ball properly.  Afterwards, he was a true gentleman and ensured I got home safely by sharing the same taxi, despite he lived on the opposite side of town.

Overall, the date was far from being a disaster, but there was something there which made me reluctant to arrange a second date with him.  Bernie was just too perfect, that was the problem.  Perfection, in my eyes, was boring.Screenshot-5468

Chapter 5.14

Chapter 5.14 – Congradulations

Naturally, before Peach and Saffron could head off to University, they had to go through the whole high school graduation ceremony, which more than often was a whole day event in which they would stand outside the city hall, get hungry and complain constantly.Screenshot-4586Mika, who was now looking more old than young, was slightly jealous of her youthful daughters, particularly Saffron, who would no doubt gain many male admirers whilst at University.Screenshot-4587Audrey, a girl who had once led old Murphy Bailey on back during Chapter 4.12 also happened to show her face at the graduation ceremony.  She either had children of her own, or was just trying to groom yet another eighteen year old boy.Screenshot-4591Turned out that although Murphy had forgiven, or quite simply just forgotten, what with his on-set Alzheimer’s disease, Jameson still held a grudge against her.  He made sure, with the help of Earl and Cointreau, that she could never deliberately break the heart of another living soul again by kindly murdering her.Screenshot-4592Peach and Saffron focused on raising their skills for the next year or so before they filled in their University test aptitude forms, which is obviously how the University entry application process works…Screenshot-4609Saffron applied to study Science and Medicine since she had plans to become a well renowned surgeon, and Peach applied for Physical Education since she still struggled to climb up the stairs, let alone get onto her horse.   Screenshot-4604Soon enough they were accepted and the rest of the family waved them off, glad to finally have a bit of space in the house.Screenshot-4626‘Take care, don’t get pregnant, Saffron!’Screenshot-4629Frangelico and Cointreau were particularly thrilled that in their older siblings absence, they were allowed to steal their bedroom.Screenshot-4627And of course, they had extra time to prove that they were more worthy of becoming the founder of the next generation.Screenshot-4935Cointreau in particular really wanted this responsibility as she believed the Baileys were not evil enough and would work on rectifying this.  Screenshot-4936Frangelico and Earl on the other hand were becoming quite the musicians and planned to sprinkle a bit of musical flavour onto the next generation.Screenshot-4938 Screenshot-4940As time developed, so did Earl.  He grew a lovely little goatee to mark his coming of age.  He planned to join Saffron and Peach at University, studying Fine Arts just like his Aunt Malibu had done.Screenshot-4990This final chapter of Generation 5 will end on a picture of Tremayne interacting with Milo the horse, who appears to have a rainbow shooting out from his neck.Screenshot-4505Like last time there will be a few bonus chapters of the “children” at University, but not as many as last time since it took up more time than anticipated to write them all.   Stay tuned for those and the voting poll 🙂 x x

Chapter 5.13

Chapter 5.13 – Off you go now

To celebrate getting old, Jameson and Mika threw a party, as seemed to be a long running tradition in the legacy of the Baileys.Screenshot-4454 - CopyFrangelico and Cointreau, who were avid Game of Thrones fans, dressed up in medieval style gowns, and even managed to pull the image off without looking like they were complete weirdos.Screenshot-4440Screenshot-4443Whilst most people stood around outside, like they were having difficulties getting inside the building, Mika and Cointreau grazed greedily on the cookies from the buffet.  The fact that Cointreau was not even halfway through her teen years did not deter Mika from asking her if she had thought about getting married to anyone.  In all honestly though she had given up on Peach and Saffron finding anyone on the Island that was marriage worthy.  Screenshot-4450‘Just a warning, sleep around as much as you can beforehand.  Once you’re married, that all goes out the window,’ Mika revealed, glancing over at Jameson who was about to sit down on the empty chair next to Cointreau.  Screenshot-4451‘Hey!’ Jameson exclaimed, no doubt feeling useless and humiliated.  It was true, however.Screenshot-4453 - CopyA few years later, it was official, Jameson and Mika were losing the elasticity in their skin,  a clear sign that death was slowly approaching.Screenshot-4502As for Peach and Saffron, they were still fairly young and just days away from adulthood, so they decided it was time to start planning their birthday party.Screenshot-4432Peach mused  about what they could do during every meal time, since thinking was only a thing she could do when she was eating.Screenshot-4532‘Why don’t you hire out the nightclub across the road from us?’ Earl suggested.  ‘We’re filthy rich and all, so $1,500 isn’t going to go amiss.’Screenshot-4529‘Wait, I’ve got a great idea! We’re rich, we can rent out the nightclub across the road from us’ Peach said, completely disregarding that Earl had just suggested the exact same thing. Screenshot-4533Screenshot-4531And so, they hired out the club for the night using money they had never contributed towards earning.Screenshot-4543The girls instantly hit the dance floor, whilst Earl headed to the bar to drink despite he was still below the legal age.Screenshot-4546‘You’re a genius, Peach!’ Saffron complimented, whilst two old men, who had not been invited, eyed them up from afar.Screenshot-4548Peach grinned, although it was a known fact that she did not possess the genius trait.  Nor did Frangelico, but she was musically talented so this did not matter.Screenshot-4549Somehow, the party went down well, despite most the guests turned up several hours late due to standing around outside for not apparent reason.Screenshot-4558Saffron also gained a new secret admirer.Screenshot-4563A while later, and after a much needed change of threads to mark their step into young adulthood, Saffron and Peach were ready to head off to University.Screenshot-4565Peach more unwillingly as she only wanted to stay at home and make a living by using her horse in races and the such, but Jameson and Mika convinced her that moving away from home temporarily would help develop her personality further.  Hopefully.Screenshot-4568

Chapter 5.12

Chapter 5.12 – Totally an accident

After a few more years of “hard work”, Jameson reached the top of his acrobatic career.  To celebrate he set himself on fire.Screenshot-4305And he hugged a giant ball.  Neither of these actions were part of his act, so he was swiftly escorted from the premises.Screenshot-4302Meanwhile, Cointreau and Frangelico celebrated the end of their childhood, with lots of a cake as was standard in the Bailey household.Screenshot-4336The family kept the celebrations simple by not inviting anyone else.  It was also a cunning ploy so they would have more cake to eat between them. Screenshot-4342Both girls wished to develop useful traits.Screenshot-4340Screenshot-4339Sadly, this did not happen.  Still, they grew up to be rather aesthetically pleasing, which is all that matters.Screenshot-4361Being musically inclined since the moment she had pretty much been born, Frangelico quickly took to playing her Grandfather’s (Judd’s) guitar and was actually quite good at it.Screenshot-4364Cointreau, who was yet another brain-box in the family, continued to focus on building up her logic skill.Screenshot-4369Of course, she was still very evil. Screenshot-4385She very much enjoyed trolling her family members, quite often by “accidentally” walking between them when they were having serious conversations in the bathroom.Screenshot-4402The only family member she was relatively kind to and supportive of was Frangelico, since they had shared the same womb and all.Screenshot-4397As for Earl, the middle child, he continued to study hard so he could look to go off to University when he was old enough.Screenshot-4388He also continued to work on raising his drum skills because he quickly learnt that chicks liked guys who could play instruments.Screenshot-4392Earl continued to be a bit of a dick to his older sister, Saffron.  On one particular occasion she had announced, to whoever was in earshot, how excited she was to dig into the last piece of cake in fridge, only to turn back around to find that Earl had claimed it as his.Screenshot-4379Screenshot-4380Saffron was not best pleased.Screenshot-4381Whilst Jameson and Earl dug into their slices of scrummy moist cake, Saffron was lumbered with leftover smoke salmon steak, which had started to go a little off.  Needless to say, she spent most that night glued to the toilet seat.   Screenshot-4383Saffron’s twin, Peach, had no real interest in cake but was still enthusiastic about horse riding despite constantly feeling terrified that Milo would buck her off at any moment.  It was a game he very much enjoyed playing with her.Screenshot-4390After a while, Milo grew to tolerate Peach and stopped arsing around with her as much.   Screenshot-4420Mika, who was starting to feel her age, and was partly jealous of her children’s youth and energy, started to exercise pretty much everyday as a bid to stay in shape.Screenshot-4400Jameson effortlessly managed to keep his physique in top condition with his career as an acrobat.  His confidence now at an all-time high, he decided during one fateful gig that it was time to pull off one of the most dangerous and deadly stunts of all, only known as “The Burning Inferno of Dangerous Stuff”.Screenshot-4423As he slowly made his way towards the hoop on the other side of the stage, his face was plagued with a deadly serious expression. Screenshot-4426His heart was racing as he positioned himself onto the flaming object.  However, moments later, his nerves dissipated as he started to roll around the stage, moving with the greatest of ease and with the grace of a ballet dancer.  Screenshot-4429All continued to go well, until he remembered that he had forgotten to record the latest episode of Dexter and lost control of the ring, consequently flying straight off the stage into the audience, flames spitting everywhere.  He managed to escape with a few minor burns, but unfortunately the audience weren’t so lucky, especially after the building collapsed on them.Screenshot-4428Jameson decided after that incident that it was safer to revert back to painting pretty landscapes and selling them on for extortionate amounts.  At least that way he could not be labelled as a mass-murderer.  Screenshot-4394


Chapter 5.11

Chapter 5.11 – And so they finally wedded

Saffron continued to be a science geek, who was no doubt going to grow up to become a doctor or a surgeon, much to her parents delight. Screenshot-4221Peach, who was an avid animal lover and no real talents, had managed to talk her parents into getting her a horse, whom she named Milo.  She hoped to train him up to win lots of races and show-jumping competitions so she could make lots of money.Screenshot-4217Shame he did not share her dreams and ambitions.Screenshot-4219‘Ow.’Screenshot-4220Once Peach had near enough recovered from her spinal injuries, Mika and Jameson decided it was time to get married, so organised a lovely late spring wedding.  Mika went for the lovely toilet roll cover look, which she managed to pull off fairly well.Screenshot-4230Being the youngest of the children, poor Frangelico and Cointreau were subjected to wearing matching bridesmaid dresses.Screenshot-4238Screenshot-4239As expected, a lot of familiar faces showed up to the wedding ceremony, including Murphy who was now grey and old.  Prince/King Joffrey from Game of Thrones also made an appearance.  Screenshot-4246Mika and Jameson stood patiently under the arch of tradition, waiting for every to get outside, before they said their vows and what not.Screenshot-4247‘Will you marry me, under the knowledge that we will eventually stop having woohoo altogether and I’ll have to resort to self-woohooing in the shower every morning?’ Jameson asked, a serious look gleaming in his adoring eyes.Screenshot-4248‘Sounds good to me!’ Mika responded, cupping her hands with his.Screenshot-4252And with that, they smooched and stuff, until everyone stopped cheering and throwing confetti at them.Screenshot-4257Of course, not everyone was happy.  Nina, who had only happened to be passing by the house on her bi-weekly run, fell into a state of total dismay when she realised that the celebrations going on in the garden were for Mika’s and Jameson’s marriage.  Screenshot-4259Nina then knew for certain that she had well and truly blown her chance with getting together with Jameson.  Still, she hung around, in hope she would be able to get her hands on a slice of wedding cake.Screenshot-4255‘Bitch ain’t getting any cake,’ thought Mika after clocking onto Nina’s presence.Screenshot-4264She then proceeded to announce to the guests that she would ensure most of them would receive a slice of cake; putting lots of emphasis on the word most.Screenshot-4266Screenshot-4267As the guests queued up for their cakey noms, Earl practiced his duck-face expression for the wedding photographer, whilst Peach peered over unimpressed at their Uncle Murphy, who was drunkenly doing the can-can by the edge of the pool, already drunk on the cocktails Tremayne had made.Screenshot-4276Alas, Jameson and Mika were finally man and wife, after year of putting it off.  That very night, they practiced the start of celibacy by having woohoo many times before realising they were doing it all wrong.  Screenshot-4313They would master things one day, as do most couples approaching their fifties.

Chapter 5.10

Chapter 5.10 – Where did it all go wrong?

Before long Jameson received another promotion, which of course meant another coloured outfit and more “wacky” face paint.  Screenshot-4154To celebrate, the Baileys decided to adopt another pet.  This time they went for a cat, since cats are rather awesome.  They named the little bugger Venus, after the razor brand because of her insanely sharp claws.Screenshot-4144At first Pooka was a bit skeptical of her, until she suggested that they went hunting for birds.Screenshot-4145After that, a simple high-five sealed their friendship for eternity, or at least until one of them died.Screenshot-4146Sadly, one young individual in the family was not keen on Pooka the dog.  That young individual was obviously Cointreau.  Screenshot-4076Everyone knows dogs can smell evil from a mile off, so she was more than aware that Pooka was onto her regarding her plans for world domination.  Screenshot-4077For the time being she knew he could not prove she was up to no good, nor was she making trouble in the neighbourhood, so all she had to do was keep a watchful eye on him and avoid slipping up with her own evil schemes.Screenshot-4080Of course, Cointreau could not help but slip a few white lies to Earl, such as how Pooka had managed to destroy all the spare light bulbs in the house.  Needless to say, he struggled to believe her, considering he soon discovered that her fingerprints were all over the shards of glass.Screenshot-4152That night, to make herself feel better, Cointreau requested that Peach read her a bedtime story, something to do with a pink cat who befriended a blue dog.  The blue dog ended up getting hit by a car, and Peach could not understand how a children’s book could be so morbid.  Turned out, however, that Cointreau had written and published it.Screenshot-4139A few weeks later, it was prom time, therefore Peach and Saffron got their glad-rags out.  Screenshot-4164Unfortunately neither of them had dates, nor did they pull anyone that night, but Saffron was still chuffed that she won the title of Prom Queen.Screenshot-4162That very same night, Earl celebrated his transition into teen-hood. Screenshot-4175A few kids from school were invited along, two of which were unfortunate sufferers of alopecia… Or at least that’s what Mika and Jameson hoped.   Screenshot-4179After Earl blew out his candles, he became a not too bad looking teenager.Screenshot-4192Having developed a keen interest for music during his childhood, Earl was pleasantly surprised that his parents had got him his own drum set.  He proceeded to play “We Will Rock You” – a legal requirement for anyone who plays the drums.Screenshot-4213A few weeks later, Saffron was chucking her guts up in the toilet.Screenshot-4207Of course, Earl happened to walk straight in on her since he had not heard of knocking.Screenshot-4208‘I knew it was only a matter of time before you got pregnant,’ Earl said.Screenshot-4209‘You realise the baby’s head is going to stretch you wide open like this,’ Earl teased, gesturing with his hands to demonstrate the destruction the baby would do to her “lady parts”.

‘Shut it, douche-bag, I’m not pregnant,’ Saffron replied, unimpressed by her brother’s childish assumptions. Screenshot-4210‘I caught Dad napping on the sofa completely naked earlier,’ Saffron explained, a small shudder shooting down her spine as she relived the moment, fortunately with a pixelated blur, which helped her cope with the stress and trauma somewhat.Screenshot-4131‘As you can imagine, it made me feel rather nauseous, especially when he admitted, after he got dressed, that he’d also napped that way on my bed countless times whilst I’d been at school.’ Screenshot-4206Satisfied that his older sister was not pregnant or had some form of eating disorder, Earl shooed her out of the room so he could flush the remains of the bag of cocaine in his pocket down the toilet, whilst Saffron went on her laptop to chat to men she didn’t know on the internets who were several years older than her.Saffron and PedobearThat night, Ricky sat alone on the sofa, wondering where his legacy, and his life, had all gone wrong.  He later concluded it was pretty much since the day he had agreed to marry Alice Bailey.  In hindsight, he would have much rather eloped with one of the youthful male customer’s at the bar he had worked in back at Bridgeport.Screenshot-4140

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