A Bailey Legacy

Tis rather delicious

Archive for the tag “Dancing”

Pistachio’s Nuts (Part 2)

Pistachio’s Nuts (Part 2)

The plan to win back Nicole’s affections was flawless. First of all, I cut down on being a dick.  Second, she loved dancing; I’d seen her go crazy on several nights out – mostly grinding against other guys to try and make me jealous.  Problem was, although I was physically fit, I had two left feet when it came to dancing and always resorted to that awkward swaying thing people do, instead of risking breaking a limb. Therefore, using a thing called the internet, I started my hunt for the best dancer on campus. Screenshot-10426Unfortunately, I had grown addicted to this game called The Peeps, where you create your own little virtual people and stick them in house, then either drown, starve or set them on fire, so I soon forgot about my quest.Screenshot-10425Luck would have it, however, one of my roommates was a decent dancer, and she was willing to teach me.       Screenshot-10421And I thought I was doing pretty good, considering my foot condition.Screenshot-10420‘You’ve got a long way to go,’ she sighed, ‘maybe we should learn something simpler.’Screenshot-10424Many dance lessons later, I gatecrashed one of Nicole’s pool parties.  She was not best pleased, but I managed to convince her that I could convince her that I was a better man.Screenshot-10432I figured things could go no worse than when we had crossed paths a month or so after the whole hot-tub incident. ‘How about I take you inside and warm you up?’ I had purred into her ear.Screenshot-10413‘I’d rather choke to death on toilet paper,’  came her response.Screenshot-10414That was a dark day indeed.Screenshot-10415This time, I was confident my plan would work. ‘What are you doing?’ Nicole asked as I reached out and placed her hands in mine.Screenshot-10433‘I’ll be your domestic King,’ I proposed, ‘I’ve even learnt how to clean and everything.’Screenshot-10434‘Also, I didn’t intend for that to rhyme…’Screenshot-10427‘Err, ok, but you’re still a douche-bag,’  Nicole ever-so-bluntly stated.Screenshot-10436‘I beg to differ,’ I replied.  ‘I’ve actually also took the time to learn how to make the best waffles in the world.’Screenshot-10440‘Seriously, they’re rather delicious!’Screenshot-10465Placing my arms on her waist, I told her to follow my lead as we started dancing a crazy combination of the waltz and a drunken walrus.  Soon enough, we got the hang of it and it was rather pleasant being that close to her.Screenshot-10445‘You’re definitely the strangest guy I’ve ever met,’ Nicole sighed, drawing her lips close to mine.  Then we kissed, and quite honestly my brain shutdown after that.Screenshot-10446‘If you hurt me, I’ll make sure you suffer.’  Those were the sweet words that sealed the deal.  Ok, then my brain shutdown.Screenshot-10437Despite this, somehow, I ended up with first in my degree.Screenshot-10510 Screenshot-10511I was pretty chuffed to say the least.Screenshot-10516Nicole did well too, achieving a 2:1.  I teased her that she missed out on a first because of all the rubbish parties she threw.Screenshot-10522She withdrew sex for almost two weeks.  It was a very dark time.Screenshot-10524Before we left University forever, there was one more thing we had to do.Screenshot-10492‘I’m pretty sure we could get arrested for trespassing,’ I stated, staring down at the hot tub that had tried to bring us together in the past, but had failed miserably.Screenshot-10489‘They’ll have to catch us first,’ Nicole mentioned.Screenshot-10490‘That’s my girl!’Screenshot-10493Sinking into the warmth of the hot tub, completely naked, I sighed out in bliss.  To think this whole thing has been Nicole’s idea. Screenshot-10496‘Get over here, you!’Screenshot-10499Screenshot-10503‘You know, I really love you, army boy,’ Nicole cooed.  Usually such mushiness would have made me vomit, but since we were in a hot tub, that wouldn’t have been a good shout.Screenshot-10506Locking lips, I decided I could get used to spending the foreseeable future with this lovely lady; even if her parties were a little bit naff.Screenshot-10505

Chapter 4.8

Chapter 4.8 – ‘Class A’ Child Abuse

Coco and Judd continued to work out to aid with their lifetime wishes, and to keep their looks and bodies in mint condition since neither of them really had likable personalities (given one was robophobic, and the other was a complete and utter troll).  Screenshot-1332The children were starting to grow more into their own personalities and faces.  Malibu would literally approach and play with every cat she came across, which meant she often returned home covered in fleas and smelling of catnip.Screenshot-1318She also enjoyed painting, although she mostly only painted cats.Screenshot-1322Amaretto was not really into cats like Malibu was, but she still owned a pair of cat pajamas, because she believed she was the cat’s pajamas, plus Malibu had got them for her as a Christmas present so it was rude not to wear them really.  They were best friends after all…

‘If you don’t wear them, I’ll cut you!’Screenshot-1337Amaretto was also fairly creative.  She thoroughly enjoyed building things with oversized Lego bricks and was actually considering becoming an inventor when she was older.Screenshot-1321The boys, Murphy and Jameson, had a less catty relationship than the girls.  Although Murphy was nearing his teenage years, he still enjoyed spending time with his younger brother, attempting to guide him along the right path in life.

‘So, when you drown someone, you want to push down hard, like this.’Screenshot-1333He then proceeded to show Jameson how to dispose of a body, using a single pillow case.Screenshot-1328‘Just make sure you dump it before rigor mortis kicks in,’ Murphy advised.Screenshot-1330Although Coco loved all her children, like most mothers she had her favourites.  Unfortunately, Jameson was not one of these.

‘Amagawwwd, that Jameson is such a loser!’ Coco announced over breakfast one morning. ‘And he sometimes smells a bit funky.’Screenshot-1349‘Oh, hey, Jameson.’ Screenshot-1347‘So, yeah, he’s a bit of a strange kid really, unlike you, Murphy.’

‘I’m still here, Mum,’ Jameson said, although his voice went unheard since Coco was still continuing to slate him, Judd also joining in as he grabbed his breakfast cake from the fridge.Screenshot-1348If there was any child who would be likely to grow up into a serial killer, Jameson was probably your number one candidate with this sort of parenting and upbringing in general.  Screenshot-1352Meanwhile, upstairs, Tremayne was dancing, because he was practicing to enter “Strictly Come Dancing”.  Sadly, he would later find out that robots were not allowed to participate on the show.  Plus he did not have a  dancing partner, so that did not really do him a lot of favours either.  Better luck next time, old chap.Screenshot-1340

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