Chapter 9.2
Chapter 9.2 – Hen Shower
Tia found out she was pregnant a couple of months after her engagement to Basil.
She was excited to birth the final baby in the legacy and to marry Basil once the weather was nicer.
Sadly, things were not all sunshine, lollipops and babies in the Bailey household. Quite recently Maple had discovered Cory’s extensive collection of alien porn on the household laptop.
‘I’ve tried getting help,’ Cory explained solemnly, ‘but my addiction is too strong to break!’
‘It’s always excuses with you,’ Maple hissed, eyebrows furrowing beyond their natural ability. ‘Sometimes I think I’d be better off without you!’
Minutes later, Maple’s wish was granted.
‘Yo, you’re dead.’
‘Woooooo!’ Cory cheered.
‘Ok, that wasn’t the reaction I was expecting…’
‘This is sure to make Maple feel guilty for the rest of her days,’ Cory explained, his eyes gleaming with glee. 
‘You’re not allowed to be happy that you’ve died,’ The Grim Reaper moaned. ‘Can you at least pretend you don’t want to cross over yet? I get a bonus for each person who pleads for their life you see, and times have been tough recently…’
With reluctance, and partly out of the kindness of his still heart, Cory dropped to his knees. He hoped he would be granted an awesome house in the afterlife for doing this.
‘Oh please spare me, your Lordship! I have so much to live for, so much more I want to see, so many more aliens I want to…’
‘Err, come to think of it, I didn’t actually want to die… Pleeeease don’t….’
‘Bored now!’ The Grim Reaper announced, before painfully sending Cory off to the afterlife with a swipe of his scythe.
‘I’m going to feel so guilty for the rest of my days,’ Maple sobbed, whilst Tremayne daydreamed about finding somebody to love.
And so, the graveyard collection grew once more.
A few months later, when everyone had forgotten about Cory, Maple organised a baby shower for Tia.
She invited a small handful of guests, including Almond, Niki, and Christie – the girl who broke Orion’s heart many moons ago. 
Tia was happy she could finally use her mixology skills to make some yummy beverages.
Non-alcoholic of course, what with being pregnant and all.
‘Erm, who the hell is he?’ Tia asked when she noticed a stern looking man with pigtails shuffle over to the pizza. 
‘My name is Brenda,’ the man simply said, which perhaps suggested that he, or she, was going through some kind of gender identification crisis. 
Still, things started well as they all sat around the table, chatting about the latest developments in their lives. When the doorbell rang, Tia wondered, as she sat up, when they were going to shower her with presents for the baby.
When Tia answered the front door, the truth came tumbling in, along with Nicole, Pistachio’s wife.
‘Let’s get ready to paaaartaaaay!’ 
As it turned out, the baby shower was just a cover up so Maple could pull off a surprise hen do for Tia, despite she would not be marrying Basil anytime soon.
‘He’s a mighty fine stripper, isn’t he?’ Nicole announced. She sunk down into a squat position and stated to pant like dog.
‘I’d like to get my paws on him!’
‘I’d better grab the mop and bucket,’ Tia cringed as a puddle started to form on the floor where Nicole was standing. 
Despite how messed up the situation was, everyone had a great time.
Except for Tia, of course. 
Maple even tried her luck with one of the strippers, once he was back in his clothes. 
‘Ever slept with a grandmother before?’
Maple could not understand why her pick-up did not work.
Consequently, she drowned her sorrows by drinking one too many margaritas and passed out just before midnight. 
‘I’m making a sandwich!’ Basil stated since he had not appeared at all in this chapter, and wanted to remind everyone that he was the heir of this generation.
To Maple’s annoyance, the paparazzi also made an appearance since she was a Z list celebrity in the media world. Fortunately, she had a way to deal with such inconveniences.
‘Bitch’
Soon, the official photographer turned up, just in the nick of time for the happy couple to exchange vows and what not.
As it turned out, Maple was not very photogenic.
No one, apart from his wife (Nicole), found it endearing.
‘Now we’re married, I guess this means you’re gonna start nagging me more often now,’ Cory joked.
He then quickly kissed her before she could ask for a divorce.
‘Cake time!’ Maple enthused, and quite rightly so.
Maple was quite happily about to dig into her scrumptious slice of wedding cake, until Devon Hoff made his way over to her table, balancing his own equally slice of awesomeness on his old arthritic hand.
Maple did her best to ignore him as he stood there, but he soon enough spoke up.
‘Room for one more?’ He asked, eyes hopeful.
Meanwhile, since the DJ had decided to up and leave before the party was even over, the ever musically talented Rolo had taken over.
‘I’m making musics!’
Now, it was a common misconception that aliens unitentionally invented dub-step when they first attempted to make contact with humans. Naturally this was not the case, and as soon discovered, this type of “music” played at exceedingly high volumes was very damaging to an alien’s eardrums, and thus resulted in Orion passing out and almost freezing to death in the snow.
Fortunately, Tremayne had come outside to show off his new lover: the hairdryer.
‘Suppose I’d better do the just thing…’ Tremayne sighed, and proceeded to thaw Orion with Brenda the hairdryer.
Minutes later, Orion had been defrosted. Tremayne cheered for joy, well, until Orion snatched the hairdryer out from his hand, tossed it into the pool and swore at Tremayne for burning his perfect alien complexion, before marching off.
‘Soon the time will come for Maple to pass the legacy down to someone, and personally, I think you’re best suited,’ Pistachio confessed. In all honesty, he did not entirely feel this way and just fancied witnessing a bit of drama between his nephews.
They continued to bitch about Basil until Rolo eventually noticed that his younger brother had in fact been standing right by them for the entirety of their private conversation, which made things a little bit awkward.
Naturally, this gave Basil the incentive to prove he could be a just a worthy heir as Rolo could be. He already had some pretty good traits, minus his kleptomania, so all he needed was a baby vessel, and he had just the girl in mind. Tia Aquino was a generic pretty young lady who was in a few of his classes at school.
Thankfully for him, this generation was now finished, which meant it was unlikely he would ever be mentioned again, unless Basil is selected as the final heir, but that is totally up to the public! This time the heir voting poll will be posted up once the university chapters have been posted up.
This meant disposing of the things which did not fit this criteria.
Fortunately, Tremayne booted up in time before he and Orion were recycled. After that the two little misfits were inseparable.
‘Enough of those misfits! It’s Christmas, let’s partaaaay!’ Maple announced, ruining the sentimental opening to this chapter, and terrifying the poor blond guy standing in front of her.
‘One of those misfits is my son,’ Sunnup said. She had been invited to the party by Cory as he thought it would be a good idea for Orion to know that Maple was definitely not his mother, and also because Cory hoped he could participate in a bit of alien intercourse.
Anyways, Maple had also invited a certain someone along to her party; Devon Hoff, the older brother of a guy she had dated during high school, and also one of her fellow work colleagues.
‘Devon, Maple is depressed with her current life and wants to bang you in attempt to feel better about herself,’ Almond translated.
‘Erm, I’m not sure if I want that,’ Devon replied.
‘It’s you or your brother, and in her current state she would definitely sink that low.’
So, the following night, Maple ended up setting foot into Devon’s flat.
‘You promise you won’t break up my brother’s family, right?’ Devon asked, body trembling in fear.
‘As long as you promise to love me and take me away from my prison of a life!’ Maple chirped.
‘Of course.’
Spolier: He did not.
A few months later, Cory was still being a doting father, despite circumstances had changed once more.
Yes indeed, another little bundle of joy was on the way.
Cory would have been thrilled, if it had not been for the fact he had not made woohoo with Maple for well over a year.
Because of this, he had a small suspicion that this baby was not his.
‘Ya think?’ Fudge sighed, before he continued to munch on the rotten food placed before him.
And off she waddled down the front path.
‘Why are we letting her reproduce?’ Alice cried out, watching hopelessly as Maple drifted towards the edge of the road, where a car would materialise out of nowhere and take her directly to the hospital.
Cory then let out a squeal, and not because he had heard rumours that the Spice Girls were getting back together. His stomach and groin areas were glowing bright green!
She knew it was a fight she would win. It was no secret that Cory was getting pudgy: one too many waffles, or so everyone thought.
He had also been out on a couple of dates during Maple’s pregnancy, although he could not fathom as to why his trousers had become tighter than usual since he often opted for a healthy autumn salad.
One afternoon, after lunch, Cory felt peculiar. At first, he assumed it was a bit of trapped wind, but after letting out a few, he felt no better, and Maple was not impressed.
‘Yeah, something’s not quite right,’ Cory said. It felt like his insides were being twisted inside out, and then were being draped around someone’s neck, like a feather boa.
Cory quickly pieced everything together. The alien who had abducted him had made her intentions clear from the very beginning, although somehow he had forgotten about this small detail.
‘Do you wanna have sex?’
‘Some could say he’s out of this world!‘ Whitney laughed after nattering to Fudge non-stop about how awesome Orion was.
She rejected his offering.
Pistachio struggled to hold back his despair, that was until Nicole stated what he had done wrong.
‘I’m the man of this relationship; I’ll propose and you can wear the ring!’ Nicole firmly stated.
By this point, Chewie the dog had experienced enough drama and decided it was time to die.
The Grim Reaper had been watching Tremayne for quite some time and was envious at the fact this robot seemed to have an eternal life span. Even Grim Reapers eventually died, in fact, this particular Grim Reaper was the third incarnation since the Bailey Legacy had begun. He wanted to defy the laws of nature, and made it his mission to do so by the time the Baileys reached their tenth generation.
‘One day, I will claim you.’ 
Some while later, Maple’s pregnancy begun to show.
‘Alright, time to give my garage rapping skills a go! 
‘Twenty-one seconds, tut, tut, tut!’ 
‘If anyone needs me, I’ll be at the beach.’
Things weren’t all bad. Honest. Somehow, Twix and Whitney had a high relationship level and spent most their elder days flirting with one another; a disturbing sight, some might say, but otherwise cute.
Almond, the eldest, was already level five or so in her business career. At this point, her long term boyfriend, Gary, had been living at the Bailey household for a few years. She suggested that it was time they moved out and started a life on their own.
‘But we get free everything here!’ Gary whined. 
Almond kissed him to shut him up.
‘Alight! Now Nicole can move in and sponge of the family funds!’
And so she did, and Maple did not approve at all. She often complained about this to Nicole when Pistachio was not around.
‘I can’t wait to boot you out, along with my annoying little bro… Oh hey, Pistachio!’
And perhaps he was right.
‘….Noooooo.’
‘Good luck tomorrow, Mape,’ Cory announced, several moments after we had crossed paths. 
Luckily, that all went smoothly, unlike Almond’s graduation day, where she almost missed the ceremony due to there being a massive crowd outside.
Later, I returned to the dorms with a smile on my face, proud I had managed to graduate with first class honors.
‘How did it go?’ A deep voice asked.
‘I’ve spent the last several months trying to think of the right thing to say to you,’ I continued, ‘and well, that hasn’t worked out so well. So now I’m…’ Cory interrupted my ramblings, thankfully.
‘Wanna go watch?’
With that, I forgot all about why I disliked Cory; at least temporarily.
We did end up watching Star Trek, but I probably shouldn’t have slept with him again that evening, but I did, and naturally he was gone by the morning. A year later- after his graduation- Cory did end up moving to Setra, but unfortunately not to be with me. A career opportunity presented itself, which he couldn’t turn down. However, with him living in close proximity, something was bound to happen between us…
As much as she annoyed me sometimes, I couldn’t help feeling worried. 
Gary and I were still going strong, I felt lucky to have him as my rock. I could sense Maple wanted to experience the same sort of thing, however her luck with guys never seemed to last.
The plan went live on the night of my graduation, during a costume party I had persuaded Maple to arrange. By the time I had returned home, after some celebratory drinks with a few fellow graduates, the house was fairly quiet apart from a few people still lingering in the kitchen. Maple wasn’t anywhere in sight, and nor was Cory, the guy she fancied like mad, which I could only assume was a good thing.
As my eyes scanned the bookshelf for a good intellectual book to curl up on the sofa with before bed, I couldn’t help but gloat to myself at how much of an awesome match maker I was.
‘I bumped into Cory in the bathroom,’ Maple spoke in a haunted tone. My heart still jumped in excitement. They hadn’t properly interacted since their one night stand several months ago- Cory was usually quick to leave the room if she had entered it. This was why I hoped this party would force them back together, particularly by deliberately barricading off the downstairs bathroom so everyone would be forced to use the one upstairs, or least help them made amends.
Apparently Maple had outright confessed to Cory that they should get over their drunken blunder and start their friendship anew. Cory agreed, a little too quickly according to Maple.
‘I asked him what was wrong.’
‘The expression on his face said it all,’ Maple sighed.
‘He had changed his mind in the space of three seconds. Apparently even the thought of being friends is weird after what happened. Also, he admitted that I’m not his type.’
I stood there dumbfounded. I didn’t understand how things had backfired so spectacularly. Cory had seemed enthusiastic about attending the party when I had invited him on Maple’s behalf .
Suddenly, everything clicked into place and I felt stupid for not realising the truth sooner. I didn’t have the heart to explain it all to Maple, but it was quite obvious who Cory’s type was.
‘Oh, and another thing…’ Maple spoke cautiously. ‘I’ve kind of broken one of the sinks in the bathroom.’
And so I spent the early hours of the morning fixing that sink to avoid us being fined by the University, and possibly having my degree revoked. 
After that night I made a promise that the sink would be the last thing I would fix for Maple. Even though she was my sister, I knew it would be impossible to keep trying to repair her broken relationships. That job was purely down to her.
Instead I studied hard to get into University, despite it took me a couple of attempts, just so my family could be proud of me. And once I was there, I did my best to keep my grades up.
This was whilst I was digging around for husband material… Or should I say father material since I wasn’t big on the whole marriage thing. It’s not like I needed a man for that kind of support.
The drunken ones were the easiest of prey.
‘You’ll find someone eventually,’ an optimistic voice I was growing to love and despise at the same time, constantly reminded me whenever I was experiencing my lowest of lows. Cory Minton had kind of just been there since my first night of Uni. He wasn’t even my roommate, nor were we on the same course, we’d just ended up mingling with the same crowd of people. Funnily enough, he was right with the whole finding someone thing… sort of.
It was the usual scenario; the guy in question was too drunk to stand on his feet, so I had led him into my dorm room, offering him the comfort of my lovely warm bed. This was usually just a euphemism for something else entirely, but since it was Cory, I was honestly trying to help him to safely sober up. He was genuinely a good friend, and not someone I had really planned on sleeping with.
‘You’re really drunk,’ I laughed. Besides the obvious factor I hadn’t drawn anything, Cory hated art and everything it stood for.
In protest, Cory shook his head thoroughly, instantly regretting his action as he swayed and lost his balance. Instantly, my arm reached out and landed on his waist to steady him. After that, my face was probably a bit closer to him than usual, and he was staring at me with his wide puppy dog eyes.
Realising I’d probably never get a chance to sleep with someone as adorable as him, and that I didn’t want anyone else to do it, I dove straight in for the kill.
Poor lad must have been really inebriated because, just seconds later, he was kissing me back, hands sliding down my waist, hoisting up my dress. As we tumbled onto the bed, he muttered something about wanting this for a while, in all honesty by that stage my mind had stopped functioning long enough for me not to care that this would be something I’d regret in the morning.
And boy, did I.
