A Bailey Legacy

Tis rather delicious

Archive for the tag “aliens”

Chapter 9.5

Chapter 9.5 Don’t fear the Repo Man

‘So, who thought this legacy had been abandoned like a puppy on boxing day?’ One of the graduation gnomes asked at the latest gnome committee meeting.gnomemeeting
Me
But now things were back on track. Chilli has grown up to be a good looking teenager with a slightly lopsided face. Probably the side-effects of the poison Tia had been feeding him over the years.
Lopsided
Fortunately, surgery rectified that issue.fixed
Chilli often spent time in the hobby room with a chainsaw. Chillichainsaw
For ‘sculpting’ obviously. Nothing to do with the students that seemed to keep disappearing from his school.Totallynotmurderingthem
Somehow he had ended up with a girlfriend as well. Cari Ferris. Her face was a bit pudgy, but overall she was ok looking. closeup
Basil thought he could do a lot better though.
‘Not gonna lie, son, but she is a bit of a butterface.’
daddydontlike
Fortunately, Chilli had no romantic interest in her whatsoever. Or any other girls in general. Cari just had a high tolerance to rohypnol. When she had awoken in his arms whilst he was carrying her upstairs to the hobby room, she had naturally assumed he was taking her up to his room for sexy fun time.
Ever since that day, she had become completely smitten with him.
touchchilli‘Promise you’ll never leave me,’ she would say as she clung onto him for dear life.
hugchillitight
‘I’ll be with you until your dying breath,’ Chilli replied, chillingly.hegonnamurderyou
As for Basil and Tia, they were doing alright. They were still married and committed to one another.
‘We can look just as cute as our son and his girlfriend!’ Tia exclaimed as she attempted to replicate the above screenshot with her hubby.copycats
They were still annoyed at Maple for dying during their wedding, so were constantly thrusting their wedding photos at anyone who dared visit their household, such as the picture below.
weddingcakeisimportant
One evening, Basil was chilling on the bed, waiting for Tia to join him for a bit adult action, when a sinister looking stranger strolled into the room.basilandrepo
‘Honey, when you said you wanted to spice up our marriage, this isn’t what I was expecting!’ Basil called to Tia, who was taking a poo in their en-suite.Poo
It turned out the guy was just the Repo Man and he proceeded to quite rightly take some of their belongings, since they had neglected to pay their bills, despite they could easily afford them. Naturally, he decided to be a dick and announced he would be taking their toilet.
Toiletismine
‘If you must,’ Tia sighed, hopping off the porcelin throne.
tiastopspooping
‘Ugh, on retrospect, you can keep it…’
Ohboy
Bongo then made an entrance, curious as to what all the ruckus was about.
maddoggy
‘Imma steal your dog,’ the repoman, called, say, Ian, decided.
badidea
verybadidea
After Bongo had horrifically heroically torn out Ian’s throat, Chilli eagerly assisted with destroying the rest of the evidence.cleanup
A few weeks later, once they had evaded various police investigations, the Baileys threw a party. The reason for this party is long forgotten since it has been two or more years since these screenshots were taken. Maybe it was someone’s birthday, or maybe Ricky had finally come out of the closet. Who knows.
RickeeehTia was asked not to prepare the food, following their last party where she had served up “invisible cheese platters”.  Orion and Kraig had not approved of this.
alienfam
Fortunately, Fudge turned up and rectified the food situation that day. He had finally graduated to being super-awesome so it seemed.
superawesome
Ricky also helped out.
‘I’m helping!’
rickyfeltleftout1Anyways, it turned out that this party was to actually celebrate Christmas. Cari, being a bit of a gold-digger, was excited to see what Chilli had bought her.
Excitedgirl
Opening the present
In hindsight, perhaps buying her a knife shaped vibrator was not the best of moves. wtfisthis
Still, Chilli was displeased when she dragged him off into the kitchen for a stern word. He pondered taking her upstairs to the hobby room, but decided against it when he realised she would probably just assume he wanted to have sex with her.nosexplease
Fortunately, Chilli’s best friend, Sonny Reeder, was at the party, so things were not too miserable. Sonny was his best friend at school, a dishy young chap with a lovely bone structure. His pale complexion and bright yellow eyes were what jumped out the most, as well as the strange tattoo on his neck. Some people thought he was a vampire, but that was a silly accusation since vampires did not exist.watchthisspace
I mean, in a world of aliens, ghosts and Maple, it seemed like a really stupid concept.toomuchgoingon
Orion accused Sonny of being a tri-hard, a comment which did not go down too well giving the Baileys liking for Stephanie Myers. twilight fans
As Basil stood by the window to try and calm down, he looked over at Chilli, then at Sonny, before turning his attention back to Chilli.sulking
Suddenly, everything clicked into place. Waitasec
This young chap was the true object of Chilli’s affections. Cari was just a cleverly disguised beard.prettyvamp
Secretly, Basil had always wanted a gay son, especially one with a vampire fetish, so he decided to fully support what was to come.
gaysonisok
Basil drank heavily that night. He was too drunk to make it upstairs to bed, so he ended up camping in a sleeping bag on the kitchen floor, because, screw using the sofas in the living room. kitchenkip
He awoke with a start at around 7am.
ohdear
‘Bongo, go get Tia!’ Basil screamed when he realised he was somehow infused with the fibres of the sleeping bag.
thatmusthurt
All in all, it was a pretty standard Bailey party.

Advertisements

Chapter 4.1

Chapter 4.1 – Gotta love a man in uniform

Finally, Cookie realised he was over staying his welcome in the Bailey household and got married to Thelma so he could move out and proceed to have babies with her.Screenshot-912Hayley even mimicked what Thelma would be doing to Cookie later on, once alone in their honeymoon suite.Screenshot-914Coco joined in with this too because she quite frankly found it hilarious.Screenshot-917Caramel, on the other hand, was traumatized for life.  He still pictured Coco and Hayley as being innocent little angels, so was distraught to see that this was clearly not the case anymore.Screenshot-916‘Oh sweetie,’ proclaimed Thelma, ‘would you please let me cut the cake?’Screenshot-919‘I have an idea!’ Cookie announced, pointing a finger promptly into the air.Screenshot-923And then Cookie proceeded to cut the cake, whilst Thelma prepared to punch him in the face, with hope she would break his nose so he would not be able to taste the wedding cake at all.Screenshot-924A few months later, Coco was delighted when her boyfriend, Judd, announced that he had successfully completed his Firefighter training course and would be joining the local / only fire brigade on the island.Screenshot-943She was more interested in how smexy he looked in his uniform more than the fact he had secured his dream job.Screenshot-936They started spending a lot more nights in together, if you know what I mean…Screenshot-942Nothing else really happened over the next couple of years.  Oh, besides the fact that Hayley was abducted by aliens again.

‘Craaaaap!’Screenshot-938

Chapter 3.9

Chapter 3.9 – Snow more puns

For what felt like the first time ever, winter arrived in Sunlit Tides.  Screenshot-840Everyone was snowed in, since the island had never really anticipated snow, let alone snow this heavy.  Indoors, Cookie, who was quite honestly over staying his welcome, was keeping his girlfriend, Thelma, occupied by pretending to be a model.Screenshot-811Before long, he got bored and decided to keep her entertained in another way, with the sly use of mistletoe, obviously.Screenshot-812Screenshot-814‘You, clothes off and upstairs, now.’Screenshot-813Meanwhile, outside in the garden, some shiny multi-coloured lights appeared in the sky.Screenshot-817Hayley was convinced she was tripping, although she was certain she had not smoked or taken anything drug-wise.  Screenshot-818When a strange unidentified flying object suddenly appeared above her, she wished she had smoked or taken something.  Screenshot-819Hayley felt her heart pound as a strange beam shot out from the underside of the strange flying thing, which she could only really describe as a spaceship, although she had never really seen one of those in real life.Screenshot-822It enveloped her, much like a warm hug; only with an ice bear who has acid soaked hairs.Screenshot-821As the beam pulled her upwards, she tried to scream, but no sound escaped.  She thought it was the power of the beam preventing her from doing so, but it turned out that someone had only muted the volume.  Screenshot-823Seconds later, the spaceship vanished into thin air, and just like that, Hayley was gone.  Like, totally.Screenshot-826It took the Bailey family a few weeks to realise that Hayley was missing.  Coco was so devastated by her twin sister’s disappearance that she started a fire, as one would naturally do.Screenshot-815Unfortunately, Irish was not happy about losing yet another BBQ.  Coco, however, denied the whole thing and casually pretended that some sort of fire monster must have been responsible for such a heinous crime.Screenshot-816She even got Admiral the gnome, and a snowman, to vouch for her.  Screenshot-836Anyways, a few more weeks later, a spaceship pulled up outside the Bailey household, although none of the family members seemed to notice.Screenshot-828Out popped Hayley, who was feeling sore in a way she had only experienced once before.  Standing behind her was some strange creature, who looked reluctant to let her go.  Screenshot-830Hayley had been blindfolded throughout her ordeal, so she was both pleased and angered to finally get to see her kidnapper.  On closer inspection, Hayley was sure she recognised him from somewhere.He's back for Hayley‘I’ll never look at hot-dogs in the same way again!’Screenshot-833Once realising that Hayley had returned, the family threw a party to celebrate.  It was the twins’ birthday as well, so that was another excuse really.  Screenshot-841Hayley managed to bury her traumatic experience into a dark, dark corner of her mind and made the most out of the attention and cake available.Screenshot-847As for Coco, she declared that someone had better of gotten her a new pair of shoes, else there would be hell to pay.Screenshot-842A few months later, Hayley had a Britney Spears styled breakdown and shaved off all her hair.  When it grew back to a reasonable length, Hayley kept it that way because she thought it made her look more rock-chick-like.Screenshot-859Whereas, plain and simple Coco ended up donning a mumsy gym look, in preparation for kicking off the next generation.Screenshot-851

Post Navigation