Quite Contrary Cointreau (Part 1)
‘Cointreau?’ Riley asked, her high-pitched voice grating against my eardrums like nails running down a rusty cylinder of toxic waste. As she grazed on her salad, I couldn’t help but notice how much she resembled my sister, Peach’s, horse, Milo. That being said, even he was better looking. ‘Why do you always hold your plate while you eat?’‘I have trust issues,’ I said, my trained eyes still staring at my food. I really hoped she would say no more; it was bad enough having her try and help me prepare our dinner, asking me all sorts of silly questions about my life before University. Honestly, what was with some of these people?‘Trust issues?’ Riley repeated. She was gagging for a proper explanation, the little whore. Holding back a sigh, and refraining myself from smashing my plate in her face, I decided to feed her greedy little mind.
‘Chances are, I’m going to end up saying something that’ll offend you,’ I explained, ‘perhaps accidentally, but most likely deliberately. Having had my food poisoned once before, it’s a feat I don’t want to go through again. Now, shut up and eat your salad like a good foal.’Be honest and always speak your mind. That’s what my parents said, so that’s what I’ve always done. It was only natural that I chose Business as my degree. That and I wanted to be the first Bailey to study the subject.Of course, I wasn’t just an evil genius. I enjoyed having fun as well, particularly with my brother, Earl. He was still studying for his degree when Frangelico (or Franny as I called her) and I had started ours, so he would often pop by our dorms to hang out with us, along with his on / off girlfriend, Tiffany. Naturally, I hated Tiffany, and Franny knew this.Following another episode, where Tiffany had gone ballistic at Earl for showing up after one of her classes with a bouquet of flowers, I had started plotting ways to get Tiffany out of the picture once and for all.
‘You know why Tiff’s that way, don’t you?’ Franny said when we were sat having dinner. Unlike when I ate around others, I could always relax around my twin. ‘She’s bi-polar. Still, Earl loves her, so please don’t do anything reckless.’Keeping quiet, I knew it would only aggravate her further.‘I mean, you wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, right?’ Franny said, uncertainty wavering in her voice. Truth was, she knew me all too well. The amount of boys I had punched in her honor during high school was quite impressive. ‘It’s simple, Franny,’ I said, after a few more moments of silence, ‘ regardless of her “illness”, If she hurts him, or shatters his heart completely, I’ll still kill the bitch.’
And that was the end of that discussion.The problem was, the rest of my family were too soft. My only sibling who came close to being as evil was Peach, who had managed to convince one of Saffron’s ex-boyfriend’s to drop out of University. Personally, I would have convinced him to have commit suicide, but there you go.Although I wasn’t studying science, I still often hung out around their testing grounds just so I could grab a sneak peek at the experiments they were carrying out, and the equipment they were working on.It was exactly the sort I could use when I took over the world one day.I had to take things one step at a time, however. There was no use in getting ahead of myself, particularly with other issues which needed ironing out, so to speak.
‘I’m surprised you’re still so skinny considering all the junk food you eat,’ Riley said with a shit-eating smile on her face. It was unbelievable that this girl still wanted to be my friend, particularly after all my previous attempts to deter her.‘I’m quite amazed with how brilliant cosmetic surgery is these days. I wouldn’t have ever guessed that you used to be a man.’I continued to chew on my pizza, even as I heard the legs of her chair scruff loudly across the carpet, in order to give her the room to stand up and march off with a face like a slapped arse, more so than usual.‘Peace at last,’ my mind sighed. No doubt Riley would come crawling back, they always did when you never really ever gave them an actual reason for disliking them. She would look for ways to poison my food too, she had already stocked up on rat poison after all, bless her. People like her are just so predictable, it hurts.