Chapter 3.10

Chapter 3.10 – It’s tricky

It was still snowing on the day of the twins’ graduation.Irish was apprehensive as she was certain she had left the oven switched on back at home.Still, the girls looked as lovely as ever in their graduation caps and gowns.Particularly Coco, who was just thrilled to be standing out in the freezing cold as they all waited to be let into the building.Tremayne found a way to keep himself occupied.  It was all well and good, until the snow melted and got into his circuits, almost killing him.   A few days later, Cookie, who was still over staying his welcome, finally decided to pop the question to Thelma.  She was amazed that he even could afford a fancy ring, considering he did not even had a job.  Well, he did sell pictures he painted, but that is not a real and stable income now, is it? Coco was focusing hard on raising her athletic skill up, in the most fun ways possible.  She was a big fan of the computer game series “SSX”, so it seemed fitting that she took up the sport during winter time, a time where no one really wanted to slave away in the gym.‘Wheeeee!’ However, Coco soon discovered that there was in fact a gym room back at her house, so, with the help of Tremayne, started to workout there as well.   ‘I’m finally getting the hang of this running thing!’ Coco happily exclaimed.Unfortunately, Tremayne begged to differ.The next morning Coco ached all over and could not make it out of her room, due to the agony she was in.  It seemed young Coco had quite a way to go before she would achieve her lifetime wish of physical perfection.  

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Chapter 3.9

Chapter 3.9 – Snow more puns

For what felt like the first time ever, winter arrived in Sunlit Tides.  Everyone was snowed in, since the island had never really anticipated snow, let alone snow this heavy.  Indoors, Cookie, who was quite honestly over staying his welcome, was keeping his girlfriend, Thelma, occupied by pretending to be a model.Before long, he got bored and decided to keep her entertained in another way, with the sly use of mistletoe, obviously.‘You, clothes off and upstairs, now.’Meanwhile, outside in the garden, some shiny multi-coloured lights appeared in the sky.Hayley was convinced she was tripping, although she was certain she had not smoked or taken anything drug-wise.  When a strange unidentified flying object suddenly appeared above her, she wished she had smoked or taken something.  Hayley felt her heart pound as a strange beam shot out from the underside of the strange flying thing, which she could only really describe as a spaceship, although she had never really seen one of those in real life.It enveloped her, much like a warm hug; only with an ice bear who has acid soaked hairs.As the beam pulled her upwards, she tried to scream, but no sound escaped.  She thought it was the power of the beam preventing her from doing so, but it turned out that someone had only muted the volume.  Seconds later, the spaceship vanished into thin air, and just like that, Hayley was gone.  Like, totally.It took the Bailey family a few weeks to realise that Hayley was missing.  Coco was so devastated by her twin sister’s disappearance that she started a fire, as one would naturally do.Unfortunately, Irish was not happy about losing yet another BBQ.  Coco, however, denied the whole thing and casually pretended that some sort of fire monster must have been responsible for such a heinous crime.She even got Admiral the gnome, and a snowman, to vouch for her.  Anyways, a few more weeks later, a spaceship pulled up outside the Bailey household, although none of the family members seemed to notice.Out popped Hayley, who was feeling sore in a way she had only experienced once before.  Standing behind her was some strange creature, who looked reluctant to let her go.  Hayley had been blindfolded throughout her ordeal, so she was both pleased and angered to finally get to see her kidnapper.  On closer inspection, Hayley was sure she recognised him from somewhere.‘I’ll never look at hot-dogs in the same way again!’Once realising that Hayley had returned, the family threw a party to celebrate.  It was the twins’ birthday as well, so that was another excuse really.  Hayley managed to bury her traumatic experience into a dark, dark corner of her mind and made the most out of the attention and cake available.As for Coco, she declared that someone had better of gotten her a new pair of shoes, else there would be hell to pay.A few months later, Hayley had a Britney Spears styled breakdown and shaved off all her hair.  When it grew back to a reasonable length, Hayley kept it that way because she thought it made her look more rock-chick-like.Whereas, plain and simple Coco ended up donning a mumsy gym look, in preparation for kicking off the next generation.

Chapter 3.8

Chapter 3.8 – Kicking it up a notch

By the time Irish was old (aka in her fifties), she had achieved her lifetime wish of becoming the greatest five-star chef, ever.  She celebrated by having a lime sorbet, in the company of Admiral the gnome, whom she had stolen from France. Cookie also had something to celebrate.  His graduation, which none of his family appeared to really show any interest in.He was chuffed, however, to find out that one of his cousins (Minty’s daughter), called Megan, was also a ginger.  He had not seen her in years, so had forgotten.   Soon it was Autumn and Coco decided to visit the Harvest Festival.  The rest of the family gave it a miss because they were hooked on the Dexter box set Stacey had got for his birthday.

After a brief look around, Coco decided to try her luck in a pie eating contest.It was the most degrading thing she had ever participated in.And she still lost.She also gave apple bobbing a go.Moments after this picture was taken, Coco almost accidentally drowned.Finally, she braved the haunted house.  It was filled with stairs, slides, mazes, oh and scary things of course.  By the time she had managed the find the exit, it was the next day, and she was absolutely knackered, much to her dismay.  Coco had always seen herself as being ultra fit, so it was a shock to the system.  So, she decided to take up mixed martial arts, since she was a fan of kung-fu movies and the such.  With the use of YouTube videos, and plenty of classes, Coco quickly progressed up the ranks, seemingly gaining a new belt every day.  The spirits of Alice, Ricky and Pippy were so pleased with Coco and her apparent martial arts ability that they even came out to party in the garden, on the night Coco gained her first sparring trophy.Coco was grateful that her ancestors were proud of her.  Since it was apparent she was going to be the heiress for the next generation.She hoped that when it was her time to take over the Bailey legacy that she would not fade in distance once she started her own family, much like Irish had over the last several chapters…

Chapter 3.7

Chapter 3.7 – Bonjour! And all that French stuff

One morning Irish woke up and decided she wanted to go to France, for no actual real reason, it just sounded like a good thing to do.And so she whisked the entire family off to France, except for Tremayne because robots are not allowed to travel on planes, obviously.  Within the month that they stayed in the lands of France, they managed to find a typically dressed French bloke, which the typical French name of Pierre.  Cookie, who had developed an interest in art over the years, from watching his father paint, decided to visit a few art museums.  They were not very fun, but he did meet a French woman called Colette, which is another common French name (at least in French language textbooks at school).Coco enjoyed munching on french crepes.  And Hayley was almost kidnapped by a French creep.Before they knew it their time was up and the Baileys were soon back in sunny Sunlit Tides eating french toast and, in Coco’s case, doing the homework she had neglected whilst living the French lifestyle.  Coco was pleased to receive a visit from Judd, her close friend, and crush, from school.  Since she had soaked in the romantic atmosphere and lingo from France, she did her best to try to flirt with him.However, Coco should have kind of realised that Judd could not speak French, at least not as fluently as her.Not one to give up, Coco decided it was time for Plan B.Sometimes actions just speak louder than words!Meanwhile, Hayley sat in the kitchen, playing a Phantom of the Opera song on her keyboard, like a pro.  Watching as Coco lead Judd into the room, she felt a pang of jealous pinch her chest.Later on, Hayley signed up to matchmaker.org and made it her mission to find a guy on there who was not a pedophile.  

Chapter 3.6

Chapter 3.6 – Prom Time

‘Funny how the grill outside burst into flames last night,’ Irish said over breakfast the following morning.
Coco suggested it may have had something to do with the fact that the grill had been around since the start of generation two, whilst Hayley sat in silence, a wry look etched across her face.After that fateful fire, Irish stopped pressurising Hayley into cooking and allowed her to embrace her passion with music.  She particularly enjoyed singing “Down With The Sickness” by Disturbed.As for Cookie, since he was the quiet one who spent a lot of time in his room, and had a quirky fashion sense, Irish and Stacey assumed he was either gay or a secret genius who was working hard on the cure for cancer.Turns out he was neither, however, and that he had an interest in a rather pale girl called Thelma Mango.  She seemed to like him too.  Over the next few years, Irish worked hard on becoming a fabulous chef, Stacey continued to write and paint stuff.  Oh, and Caramel moved out after proposing to his girlfriend, and quite possibly even had a child with her before or after they got married.‘Sweetie, I’d hate to ruin your apparent elation to my proposal, but my foot appears to be trapped in the door…’Coco grew up into a rather aesthetically pleasing teenager.So did Hayley, despite she had been a questionable looking child. Of course, the Bailey teens looked as sexy as hell for their school prom. Hayley unfortunately missed the once in a lifetime limousine ride and had to grab a taxi to the school.  True in-game story.Probably just as well because Coco could not stop staring at Thelma’s face during the journey to prom.And eventually, big forehead girl Thelma got pissed off and told Coco to go play in oncoming traffic.After that, the atmosphere became slightly frosty, as you can imagine.  Thelma also later on accepted that she had a strange face.    Meanwhile, Irish, who was reminiscing on her teenage years, decided to go out and get absolutely wasted at one of their local cocktail bars.‘Damn, I wish I’d started more fires with Crissy…’Back at the home, Coco and Hayley had returned home from their prom and chowed down on some of Irish’s leftover pancakes .  Cookie was staying over at Thelma’s house, although he was to sleep on the sofa as there was not enough room in Thelma’s bed because of her monstrous forehead.
Irish later returned home, completely paralytic.  She took three steps into the house before she promptly threw up all over Tremayne the robot, then swore at him before she collapsed and passed out.  Needless to say, Tremayne was not impressed.

Chapter 3.5

Chapter 3.5 – Can cook, but won’t, so sod off

Irish was a loving mother to her twin girls, Coco and Hayley, although she dressed them in similar style clothing and styled their hair the same all the time.  Fortunately, they were not identical else no one could have ever told them apart, although this is hard to tell in the picture below.  Oh well.Caramel was given a motorbike for his twenty-first birthday.  Unfortunately, it took him a while to grasp the basic concept of parking. Still, he had a grand day celebrating his birthday, mostly with Stacey since everyone else was either at work or school, or were too young to actually care.Cakey noms!They even did a bit of karaoke in their PJs, because that’s just how they roll.Oh, and somehow, Caramel got stuck underneath his dresser table.  It was not the most comfortable, nor productive hour of his life. Before long, the twins were children.Very hard-working children, obviously.Coco, who was the outdoor sporty one of the two, enrolled into scouts, although she never understood why the scout leader – a burns victim and only survivor of a house fire years ago that killed his mother and father – was scared of her.  Hayley on the other hand was into dancing and performing, much to Irish’s disappointment.  She had hoped Hayley would have been into cooking, seeing as Coco had shown no interest.Over the months, Irish encouraged Hayley to bake muffins and cookies.  Turned out she was actually a better business woman than Irish had been at her age.  Still, Hayley did not like baking  or cooking one bit.

One afternoon, Hayley was sat with Cookie, sampling the key lime pie their mother had baked before she had gone off to do some shopping.

‘Hey, sis?  You gonna become a contestant on Master Chef?  Or Lord Alan Sugar’s next Young Apprentice?’ Cookie asked.

‘Neither,’ Hayley swiftly replied, digging her spork into her piece of key limey goodness, ‘I wanna be a rock star.’

‘Oh?  Won’t Mum be disappointed?’

‘Oh no, she’ll understand soon enough once I get my point across,’ Hayley said, a little too innocently.Cookie wondered how Hayley would end up getting her point across.  He assumed she would just outright admit to Irish that she hated cooking.  However, Hayley’s method was far more extreme than anyone could have imagined. ‘God dammit, Hayley!’ 

Chapter 3.4

Chapter 3.4 -Nothing wrong with gingers

It was not long before Cookie grew and it turned out he was a ginger.  Not like there is anything wrong with gingers.  Pippy had been a ginger after all, and that’s obviously why Cookie was a ginger.  Still, Irish loved him to bits.So did Stacey.

‘Who’s my ginger ninja, huh?’And Caramel (who had recently aged up).Well, not always Caramel.  Not like he had anything against gingers.Cookie and Caramel gained more of an understanding of one another once Cookie grew up and started school, mostly because they resented their ridiculous names.  They even became school bus buddies.  Irish was pleased that the two boys got along well.  Even though Caramel was technically her father, and brother in some sort of warped way, she saw him more as a son, which was even more disturbing to be honest.  Not liked she cared.  After all, she had her cooking to keep her mind occupied to prevent her from delving to deeply into how Caramel was actually related to her.Irish loved her job, particularly the awesome hat she got to wear.Anyways, Irish and Stacey soon decided to try for another baby, just in case they needed back ups to carry on the Bailey legacy.  And thus, Irish fell pregnant.  Literally.

‘Ow, my ankle.’‘God, you’re an embarrassment, woman.’For the next few months Stacey worked on his novels, whilst Irish read cookbooks and stuff.  Somehow, Caramel and Cookie managed to look after themselves during this time of neglect.    Before long, Irish looked like she was ready to burst.  It did not stop her from having pleasant strolls outside, however.That was until she went into labour one evening when she was picking Cookie up from ballet scouts.  Stacey was even kind enough to bring a bowel of salad with him when he came to escort Irish to the hospital.They returned home with twin girls, whom they named Coco and Hayley.  For a while they could not tell which was which, so they ended up writing their names on their foreheads with a marker pen. This chapter shall now end with Tremayne stepping into the time machine he managed to build one day when he was bored.  What adventures await from him you ask?  Well, sadly you will never know, because by the next chapter a time transition shall have occurred, thus making this irrelevant to the “story”.  

Chapter 3.3

Chapter 3.3 – One in, Two out

As time went by, Irish became more and more pregnant each day.   Eventually, the inevitable happened.She named her baby boy Cookie, because, quite frankly, she just wanted to.Fudge was a brilliant Grandfather to Cookie and was thrilled whenever he held him.Oh, and yes, by then Fudge had managed to become a super-awesome detective.  Sadly, he had still not mastered the art of subtlety.Crissy, who had given birth to twins, decided to move out the house after realising that she could no longer go through with murdering and/or torturing Irish.  Several years later, she was arrested for a series of arson related deaths and was jailed for life.  A few months after that, the jail burnt down.

It was said that Crissy perished in the flames, but actually she just moved to a different neighbourhood to wreak havoc there.Anyways, a few months after Cookie’s birth, the island found out that Fudge was a super-awesome detective and held a super-awesome celebration in his honor outside the island’s Town Hall, with balloons and everything.‘This is so fricking awesome. Would really suck if I died now or something,’ thought Fudge.‘Shit.’‘Your time is up,’ the Grim Reaper announced, pointing his bony finger at Fudge’s ghost.  ‘Plus, your wife, Pippy kept nagging me to bring you to the spirit world.  Damn that woman’s persistent ‘  ‘Yeah, she could nag at the best of times,’ Fudge confessed, with a smile on his face.‘But, I suppose it’s only fair.  I did have an awesome life, so I guess it’s now time to give those in the afterlife a chance to experience my awesomeness,’ Fudge said.And, with that, he shook old Grimmy’s hand and requested if he could have a nap before he journeyed to the afterlife.  The Grim Reaper said no.Clearly, Irish was devastated when she found out about her father’s death, she had been such a Daddy’s girl after all.  What was more frustrating was that she and Stacey now had to look after Fudge’s clone, Caramel, who was currently going through a phase of thinking he was a pink Yoshi.Irish and Stacey decided to let Caramel invite a few of his school friend’s over for a sleepover to try and help him forget about Fudge’s death.That night, Caramel has traumatic nightmares based on the stories Irish had read to him from Ricky Bailey’s books.So did the kids, who decided to sneakily watch TV in the middle of the night, when Ricky switched the Disney Channel over to a documentary about childbirth.

‘Trolololo!’ 

Chapter 3.2

Chapter 3.2- Mysterious Mysteries

Irish was instantly smitten by her new brother / second father, and did not think to question how he came to exist.  Since Caramel had no mother, Irish took him under her wing and often read him stories, written by Ricky Bailey, as she tucked him into bed.   ‘Why are all these stories about men hanging out together at cocktail bars?’ Caramel asked. ‘I don’t know,’ replied Irish, before she quickly got up, switched off the light switch, left the room and burnt the book in the oven.Five months after Caramel joined the family, Irish and Stacey followed tradition by marrying in the back garden of the Bailey house.  Irish had prepared the cake herself, obviously, and made sure she was the one who got to cut it.

‘How fitting, I’m marrying a woman who likes to spend her time in the kitchen,’ Stacey chirped.

‘Darling, unless you fancy a castration I suggest you shut the fuck up,’ Irish said, loud enough so only Stacey could hear, but still smiling so their guests thought they were exchanging harmless lovey-dovey banter.  Stacey soon shut up after that, and Irish, being hardcore, did not even need a knife to cut the wedding cake. ‘Impressive,’ thought Stacey.Minty turned up to the wedding with her twin girls a bit later, since she and Federico had been busy consoling each other regarding the fact that Robert Pattinson had split up with Kristin Stewart in real life.‘No worries, they’ll probably get back together for the premier of the last Twilight film,’ Irish reassured.Several months later, Irish found out she was pregnant.Turned out that Crissy was too, because she had not been taught anything about safe sex.Crissy decided to propose to her blonde haired man, since she was certain he was the father.  The fact that he owned a flame patterned towel also sealed the deal.‘Yey, now your organs will be mine, forever and ever,’ Crissy whispered as they hugged.‘Did you just say something about my organs?’ Her boyfriend, perhaps called Jeff, asked.

‘No, don’t be silly!’ Crissy giggled.A few weeks later, Jeff mysteriously disappeared, and Irish received a mysterious delivery of mystery meat, which she used to make some delicious hot-dogs, mmm. 

Chapter 3.1

Chapter 3.1 – Make mine a double 

Thankfully, Crissy did not murder Irish in her sleep.  She got distracted by a nice young blonde man and claimed him as her own.When she finally remembered, Crissy couldn’t believe that she had planned to kill Irish in her sleep.  Still, feeling a little bit bitter about Irish once wanting her dead, she decided to sneak into Irish’s room one night when she was sleeping and, somehow, surgically attached a plate of fish of chip to her hand.

Needless to say, Irish was not impressed when she woke up the next morning.After having an extremely painful operation to remove the plate, Irish enjoyed a pleasant dinner of fish and chips, and a few weeks later she proposed to her boyfriend, Stacey, despite he clearly did not know how to dress or manage his hair.‘Yeah, I like, don’t really want to sleep alone when I have a pyromaniac ex-imaginary doll thing that wants me dead, so please move in and marry me!’‘Sure,’ Stacey said, ‘sounds legit to me.’Irish swiftly gave him a makeover to make him more presentable to other human beings.Being a bit of a loner, Stacey spent most of his time writing sci-fi stories.  He also liked painting, just so you know.Shortly after Irish’s and Stacey’s engagement, Pippy had an unfortunate accident on the “slip ‘n’ slide” in the back garden after she and Fudge had been drinking rather heavily.Sadly, it resulted in her death.The Grim Reaper made an appearance.  He had hoped to join in with the drunken poolside mayhem, but was annoyed to find that he had to send a body off to the spirit world instead.

‘Curse thee!’Needless to say, Fudge was devastated at the loss of his lovely wife.Like, really devastated Tremayne would have genuinely felt heartbroken for Fudge, if it was not for the fact he was a robot, so therefore lacked real emotions or a heart.  The very next evening, Fudge decided to do something which he had always vowed to do if Pippy ever died before he did.  No, not suicide… he actually went to visit the science research facility, and held the researchers at gun-point until asked the researchers to kindly clone him.And thus, Caramel Bailey was produced, a child clone of Fudge. ‘Oh ma gawd!’ Fudge exclaimed, peering down at his younger self. ‘Pint-size awesomeoness!’There was no doubt that Caramel was Fudge’s clone – not a random child that the researchers had snatched from the streets.  Caramel enjoyed being awesome, and also enjoyed sitting in the same armchair as Fudge.(Yes, the one below is an old pic where Fudge still had his beloved waistcoat… RIP poor waistcoat)