Chapter 9.5 Don’t fear the Repo Man
‘So, who thought this legacy had been abandoned like a puppy on boxing day?’ One of the graduation gnomes asked at the latest gnome committee meeting.
But now things were back on track. Chilli has grown up to be a good looking teenager with a slightly lopsided face. Probably the side-effects of the poison Tia had been feeding him over the years.
Fortunately, surgery rectified that issue.
Chilli often spent time in the hobby room with a chainsaw.
For ‘sculpting’ obviously. Nothing to do with the students that seemed to keep disappearing from his school.
Somehow he had ended up with a girlfriend as well. Cari Ferris. Her face was a bit pudgy, but overall she was ok looking.
Basil thought he could do a lot better though.
‘Not gonna lie, son, but she is a bit of a butterface.’
Fortunately, Chilli had no romantic interest in her whatsoever. Or any other girls in general. Cari just had a high tolerance to rohypnol. When she had awoken in his arms whilst he was carrying her upstairs to the hobby room, she had naturally assumed he was taking her up to his room for sexy fun time.
Ever since that day, she had become completely smitten with him.
‘Promise you’ll never leave me,’ she would say as she clung onto him for dear life.
‘I’ll be with you until your dying breath,’ Chilli replied, chillingly.
As for Basil and Tia, they were doing alright. They were still married and committed to one another.
‘We can look just as cute as our son and his girlfriend!’ Tia exclaimed as she attempted to replicate the above screenshot with her hubby.
They were still annoyed at Maple for dying during their wedding, so were constantly thrusting their wedding photos at anyone who dared visit their household, such as the picture below.
One evening, Basil was chilling on the bed, waiting for Tia to join him for a bit adult action, when a sinister looking stranger strolled into the room.
‘Honey, when you said you wanted to spice up our marriage, this isn’t what I was expecting!’ Basil called to Tia, who was taking a poo in their en-suite.
It turned out the guy was just the Repo Man and he proceeded to quite rightly take some of their belongings, since they had neglected to pay their bills, despite they could easily afford them. Naturally, he decided to be a dick and announced he would be taking their toilet.
‘If you must,’ Tia sighed, hopping off the porcelin throne.
‘Ugh, on retrospect, you can keep it…’
Bongo then made an entrance, curious as to what all the ruckus was about.
‘Imma steal your dog,’ the repoman, called, say, Ian, decided.
After Bongo had
horrifically heroically torn out Ian’s throat, Chilli eagerly assisted with destroying the rest of the evidence.
A few weeks later, once they had evaded various police investigations, the Baileys threw a party. The reason for this party is long forgotten since it has been two or more years since these screenshots were taken. Maybe it was someone’s birthday, or maybe Ricky had finally come out of the closet. Who knows.
Tia was asked not to prepare the food, following their last party where she had served up “invisible cheese platters”. Orion and Kraig had not approved of this.
Fortunately, Fudge turned up and rectified the food situation that day. He had finally graduated to being super-awesome so it seemed.
Ricky also helped out.
Anyways, it turned out that this party was to actually celebrate Christmas. Cari, being a bit of a gold-digger, was excited to see what Chilli had bought her.
In hindsight, perhaps buying her a knife shaped vibrator was not the best of moves.
Still, Chilli was displeased when she dragged him off into the kitchen for a stern word. He pondered taking her upstairs to the hobby room, but decided against it when he realised she would probably just assume he wanted to have sex with her.
Fortunately, Chilli’s best friend, Sonny Reeder, was at the party, so things were not too miserable. Sonny was his best friend at school, a dishy young chap with a lovely bone structure. His pale complexion and bright yellow eyes were what jumped out the most, as well as the strange tattoo on his neck. Some people thought he was a vampire, but that was a silly accusation since vampires did not exist.
I mean, in a world of aliens, ghosts and Maple, it seemed like a really stupid concept.
Orion accused Sonny of being a tri-hard, a comment which did not go down too well giving the Baileys liking for Stephanie Myers.
As Basil stood by the window to try and calm down, he looked over at Chilli, then at Sonny, before turning his attention back to Chilli.
Suddenly, everything clicked into place.
This young chap was the true object of Chilli’s affections. Cari was just a cleverly disguised beard.
Secretly, Basil had always wanted a gay son, especially one with a vampire fetish, so he decided to fully support what was to come.
Basil drank heavily that night. He was too drunk to make it upstairs to bed, so he ended up camping in a sleeping bag on the kitchen floor, because, screw using the sofas in the living room.
He awoke with a start at around 7am.
‘Bongo, go get Tia!’ Basil screamed when he realised he was somehow infused with the fibres of the sleeping bag.
All in all, it was a pretty standard Bailey party.