Chapter 9.2 – Hen Shower
Tia found out she was pregnant a couple of months after her engagement to Basil.She was excited to birth the final baby in the legacy and to marry Basil once the weather was nicer.Sadly, things were not all sunshine, lollipops and babies in the Bailey household. Quite recently Maple had discovered Cory’s extensive collection of alien porn on the household laptop.‘I’ve tried getting help,’ Cory explained solemnly, ‘but my addiction is too strong to break!’‘It’s always excuses with you,’ Maple hissed, eyebrows furrowing beyond their natural ability. ‘Sometimes I think I’d be better off without you!’Minutes later, Maple’s wish was granted.‘Yo, you’re dead.’‘Woooooo!’ Cory cheered.‘Ok, that wasn’t the reaction I was expecting…’‘This is sure to make Maple feel guilty for the rest of her days,’ Cory explained, his eyes gleaming with glee. ‘You’re not allowed to be happy that you’ve died,’ The Grim Reaper moaned. ‘Can you at least pretend you don’t want to cross over yet? I get a bonus for each person who pleads for their life you see, and times have been tough recently…’With reluctance, and partly out of the kindness of his still heart, Cory dropped to his knees. He hoped he would be granted an awesome house in the afterlife for doing this.‘Oh please spare me, your Lordship! I have so much to live for, so much more I want to see, so many more aliens I want to…’‘Err, come to think of it, I didn’t actually want to die… Pleeeease don’t….’‘Bored now!’ The Grim Reaper announced, before painfully sending Cory off to the afterlife with a swipe of his scythe.‘I’m going to feel so guilty for the rest of my days,’ Maple sobbed, whilst Tremayne daydreamed about finding somebody to love.And so, the graveyard collection grew once more.A few months later, when everyone had forgotten about Cory, Maple organised a baby shower for Tia.She invited a small handful of guests, including Almond, Niki, and Christie – the girl who broke Orion’s heart many moons ago. Tia was happy she could finally use her mixology skills to make some yummy beverages.Non-alcoholic of course, what with being pregnant and all.‘Erm, who the hell is he?’ Tia asked when she noticed a stern looking man with pigtails shuffle over to the pizza. ‘My name is Brenda,’ the man simply said, which perhaps suggested that he, or she, was going through some kind of gender identification crisis. Still, things started well as they all sat around the table, chatting about the latest developments in their lives. When the doorbell rang, Tia wondered, as she sat up, when they were going to shower her with presents for the baby.When Tia answered the front door, the truth came tumbling in, along with Nicole, Pistachio’s wife.
‘Let’s get ready to paaaartaaaay!’ As it turned out, the baby shower was just a cover up so Maple could pull off a surprise hen do for Tia, despite she would not be marrying Basil anytime soon.
‘He’s a mighty fine stripper, isn’t he?’ Nicole announced. She sunk down into a squat position and stated to pant like dog.‘I’d like to get my paws on him!’‘I’d better grab the mop and bucket,’ Tia cringed as a puddle started to form on the floor where Nicole was standing. Despite how messed up the situation was, everyone had a great time.Except for Tia, of course. Maple even tried her luck with one of the strippers, once he was back in his clothes. ‘Ever slept with a grandmother before?’ Maple could not understand why her pick-up did not work.Consequently, she drowned her sorrows by drinking one too many margaritas and passed out just before midnight. ‘I’m making a sandwich!’ Basil stated since he had not appeared at all in this chapter, and wanted to remind everyone that he was the heir of this generation.